


Stay With Me

by Iflyinmydreams (orphan_account)



Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms, Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bipolar Disorder, Childhood Trauma, Depression, Falling In Love, Fluff and Smut, Healing, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Mania, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-02
Updated: 2020-03-06
Packaged: 2020-12-13 21:14:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 22,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21004259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Iflyinmydreams
Summary: **Rewrite Done!**Light Yagami falls in love hard with detective L Lawliet, but the world's greatest detective has a secret. With Watari's help, he's been able to live around his mental health issues, but now that Light has come into his life, everything has changed.





	1. Depression Looks a Lot Like This

**Author's Note:**

> My hope with this fic is to shine a positive, hopeful light on bipolar disorder and other metal illnesses. Growing up with a severely mentally ill older brother greatly impacted my life, and I want to write a story that shows there's always hope.

“Go away,” the muffled warning sounded from the bed. The only evidence that it was L lying there were the tufts of black hair poking through the end of the covers.

“No,” Light said, unbuttoning his pants and pulling them down so he was left in just his boxers.  
Hearing the sound of clothing being removed, L turned to face Light, surprised by the kids audacity. “What do you think you're doing?”

“I'm staying with you. Something's wrong with you, L, and I'm going to make sure you don't hurt yourself,” Light said as he kicked away his pants and walked barefoot against the cold tile floor to the bed.

“Whatever,” L groaned as he turned over, burying his face in the pillows and comforter. It wasn't like he hadn’t thought of it before, that it wasn't unusual for him to consider ending it all. But how did the kid know? L had written and destroyed many a suicide note, unbeknownst to Watari or anyone else, just to change his mind and start feeling better again.

The feeling of the mattress giving to the weight of another body startled him from his thoughts. It was strangely comforting to feel the warm skin of Light’s chest against his back, arms around him. He'd ask what the hell Light thought he was doing, but he was too tired to bother. Instead, he just gave in to the comfort, closing his eyes as soft breath tickled the hair on the back of his neck.

Light would never admit this, but he was irrevocably in love with L. It was insanity, and he hated himself for it because he knew,_ he knew_ L was mentally ill and unstable and no good for him. Yet, the heart wants what the heart wants. Maybe it was in his DNA. They say you fall in love with someone who is like one of your parents. Light's mother was bipolar, and Light was fairly confident L was too.

She died when he was still young, but he remembered everything. When she took her medicine, she was such a great mom. Always doting on him and his sister, baking them homemade treats, helping with homework, keeping the house clean. When she stopped taking her medicine, however, she fell apart. One of two things would happen. Either she wouldn't get out of bed for days, or she’d disappear for days, leaving Light to care for his sister while his dad worked. Maybe that's why Light was so mature. He had to grow up at 9 years old.

It took years for him to realize his mother wasn’t doing it on purpose, that she was sick. Non-compliance, he learned, was just another part of it. That while her condition was treatable, getting her to actually stick to treatment was the real challenge. She never would've chosen to abandon them, and her eventual suicide wasn’ta choice either. She'd simply lost her fight.

Maybe that's why Light was so determined to help L. He was too young to help his mother, but he was older now, stronger, wiser. He had a lot to offer L, knew what he was going through. If only L would stop and listen, try to see. Stubborn. No, not stubborn. Sick. It angered Light that Watari never intervened. That instead of getting L the help he so desperately needed, he exploited the young man’s creative genius during his manic phases and made excuses for his bad behavior, creating an environment conducive to his eventual collapse into depression. It was going to kill him one day. Nobody knew that better than Light.

He tightened his grip around the softly snoring man in his arms. It honestly surprised him that L had allowed any of this. Light gently placed a kiss on his neck, closing his eyes as he breathed in his scent. Whatever happened, Light would be there. One day L would see how much he cared. Maybe one day L would decide to get help. Maybe it was too much to hope for. Part of Light felt a ball of anxiety clench in his stomach, because he knew how this was likely to end. He'd stepped into a mine field willingly. In his mind he knew that this would destroy him, but he couldn't stop himself. He didn't want to stop himself.

Sleep eventually claimed his thoughts and brought him into a place of comforting, nonsensical dreams. There was no reality better than the fantasy of a healthy L loving him back for the rest of their lives. It would be hard to wake up to the cold reality come morning. At least he'd be next to the one he loved.

It surprised him to find L had rolled into him during the night, head and hand on his chest. Light could forgive the bit of drool dripping onto his chest for a moment so sweet. L looked so innocent, so at peace when he slept. Risking waking the detective was worth sneaking a kiss to the top of his head.

L moaned and stirred, adjusting his position but not waking. Light thought back to when they first met and how struck by L he was. The man was unusual and unique. Beautiful in a way that made him a rarity among men. Light knew he loved him in that moment. There was a spark, an unspoken connection. He didn't know L was sick back then. He didn't know L at all. But he wanted to with desperation. The few who knew the detective found him to be abrasive and strange. It was hard to like him, much less love him. But Light did, and he didn't think he'd ever stop.

L woke and lifted his face, wiping the drool from his mouth. His drowsy mind took a moment to process the fact that he was practically on top of Light. “Oh, sorry,” he mumbled as he rolled over, making sure to put as much space between he and Light as possible.

Disappointed and cold, Light pulled the covers tight over his shoulder, turning to face the back of L. “I didn't mind.”

It took a moment for L to respond, “Why are you here, Yagami?”

The sharp way he said Yagami made Light flinch. But he wasn't giving up easily. “I told you last night.”

“I don't need you to look after me. I'll be fine in a few days.”

Light's eyes widened as his breath hitched. That's _exactly_ what his mother used to say. He struggled to keep his heart from pounding with panic. L glanced over his shoulder when Light didn’t respond. He caught a glimpse of Light’s wide eyed appearance. _Shit. Now what have I done?_

Rolling over so he was facing Light, L sighed, “What's wrong now?”

The uncaring tone L used didn't exactly make Light want to answer him. At least, not honestly. “Nothing. I'm ok.”

“Fine. Lie to me,” L said as he turned back around.

“I'm just not ready to tell you,” Light started quietly, “But one day I’d like to think I could.”

L didn't turn back around, but he pushed his butt toward Light and said, “Well, are you coming over here or what?”

Light laughed under his breath as he reached across the bed and pulled L's waist to him. He couldn't see it, but for the first time in a long time, L smiled. 


	2. You Stink

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> L won't get out of bed. Light forces him to bathe.

With the exception of using the restroom, L didn't get up from the bed for days. Light forced him to eat, and on the fourth day, L started to stink. Pulling the covers off his half naked body, Light announced, “Get up! You're bathing! I can't take your stench any longer!”

L grumbled and buried his face in the pillow, “Go away.”

“No,” Light reached for L's pajama bottoms and pulled his body down the length of the bed. L scratched and clawed at the sheets for purchase, but all he did was pull the sheets up with him.  
Landing on the floor with at thud, L looked up at Light, irritated. “Ok fine,” he said as he stood, following Light into the bathroom.

Light had already drawn a bath and lined the ledge of the tub with an array of soaps, shampoos and body washes. He turned to Light, “You gonna watch?” is what he said but what he thought was _thank you, this is really nice of you. God I'm a fuckin idiot._

Blushing with an awkward laugh, Light said, “No, actually I'm going to change the sheets. Even the bed smells.”

“Oh,” L turned away from him and started pushing down his pants, uncaring if Light stayed and watched or didn't. He didn't, though. L might not have much respect for himself but Light respected him. He allowed the detective privacy despite his desires to place his hands and mouth all over that body.

While L cleaned himself up, Light cleaned the room. The laundry basket was overflowing when he dropped it off at the laundry room. Clean sheets were neatly stacked in the linen closet courtesy of Watari. Light even placed clean clothes out for L and lit a few candles to help with the smell.

Standing back to admire his work, Light breathed a sigh of relief. The room looked so much better. L walked out of the bathroom, donning a towel around his waist. “Oh wow,” he said looking around. _He did way more than make the bed_. “Thank you,” he said quietly, unable to look at Light.

Without warning, L dropped the towel from his waist and picked up the clothes Light laid out. Light blushed, gasped, and looked away. Too embarrassed to say anything, he quickly grabbed the damp towel from the floor and hung it in the bathroom. When he returned, L was back in bed, eyes closed. _Is he really already asleep_? Climbing into the bed with him, he confirmed that yes, L had fallen back asleep. _How the hell does he sleep this much? Then again, that's depression for you, huh._

Light resumed his position of hands around L and face buried in black hair. He didn't care that it was just a little bit damp. L's body was warm against him, a treasure Light could hardly believe L allowed.

By morning, Light realized he was alone in the bed. Thinking L was simply taking a bathroom break, he stood and checked. L wasn’t in there. Dressing, Light ventured out to check the HQ kitchen, but he wasn't there either. Low and behold, Light found L in the computer room, working for the first time in over a week. “Good morning,” Light said as he pulled up a chair next to L.

“Good morning, Kira,” L said, sly smile on his lips.

Light rolled his eyes, “Glad to see you've gotten your sense of humor back.”

Turning to Light more fully, L stared at him with deep, dead grey eyes as he sat in his familiar crouch, thumb on his mouth. “Thank you for caring about me,” he said.

The sincerity with which L said it caught Light off guard. “Oh, yes, well. You're welcome, Ryuzaki.”

With a nod off approval that Light didn't forget to use his alias, L turned back to his computer. As he typed, he spoke, “Before the team gets here, I want you to know that your actions this past week have given me a lot to think about, and I feel things I'm not used to feeling, if I'm perfectly honest.” He took a breath before continuing, “We both know you were Kira, even if you're not now, and I’d like to try and get you off the hook. The rest of the team doesn't think I'm right about you, so no need to convince them. The truth about Kira will remain between us forever.”

Light was so shocked he nearly fell out of his chair. L wasn't exactly known for his long dialogues or expressing his feelings. This moment was incredible, impossible. Could Light trust it? L has lied before. What other options were there? Light swallowed hard, “Ok,” he said in nearly a whisper. A bit louder this time, “What, uh, what kind of feelings?”

L stopped trying and looked down at his keyboard in thought before looking at Light. “The kind where I'm now afraid to lose you, where I wasn't before.”

Light's eyes widened at that, and he was about to touch L's hand when someone walked through the door, “Good morning you two,” Souichiro announced as a tired looking Matsuda followed him in. “Glad to see you're feeling better, Ryuzaki.”

“Hi Dad,” Light smiled. It was good to know he'd finally be cleared. Light didn't remember being Kira, but he knew L wasn’t wrong. He just wondered what the hell could possibly possess him to commit murder? It made him sick to think about, so he pushed it down and focused on the conversation L was having with the two team members instead. 

Struggling to concentrate the rest of the day because of their morning conversation, Light found he couldn't wait to be alone with L again to further flesh out their feelings for each other. Did L want to be together like he did? Could Light get away with trying to kiss him in the dark? It was an arousing thought and Light had to stop himself before things got out of hand. All he could think about was 'happily ever after’ with L, but at the same time, that feeling in the pit of his stomach told him that wasn't likely to happen. He’d been privy to many of L's caustic mood swings and just how volatile he could be. Aizawa often triggered him, and he'd never forget the time L sent a computer monitor flying at the guys head just for it to smash into the wall behind him. Watari cleaned it up and had it replaced within hours, never saying a word to L about it. Aizawa could be a real pain in the ass, but to throw and break things was going a little far. It did shut the asshole up for a while. Still, would there come a day when L treated him like that? Is that what he'd be signing up for if he were to get involved with L?


	3. The Best Lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Are the ones we tell ourselves.
> 
> L and Light have their first sexual encounter

That night when everyone else left for home, Light felt nervous to be around L for the first time. Knowing the feelings were mutual changed things, but he didn't want to make the first move. He'd made it clear what he wanted through his actions, and the ball was in L's court from here. Besides, being the more emotionally delicate of the two, it seemed that things needed to go at L's pace anyway.

So it came as a bit of a surprise when L turned to him once the door was closed and shrugged out of his clothing. Standing naked before Light, he began unbuttoning his shirt, placing a hand on Light's chest and staring at his skin for a moment. Light's breath hitched and heart pounded. Head swimming, he wasn't sure what to do so he just stood there while L continued to undress him. L pulled the shirt off his shoulders, long fingers tracing the musculature of Light’s arms as they pulled the shirt away from his body.

“Is this ok?” L asked when he reached Light’s pants, pausing and looking up into those lust filled eyes.

“Y-yes,” he breathed, and L pulled his boxers down with his pants, revealing Light’s hard cock.

“Mmm, this won't do,” L said as he kneeled on the floor, face level with Light’s dick. Light would’ve asked what he was on about but his words were taken right from his mouth in the form of a gasp as L engulfed his entire penis to the base and began sucking.

“Oh God,” Light hissed out, tangling his fingers in dark hair as he refrained from fucking into that glorious sucking mouth. It was so unexpected and so good that Light couldn't think. He simply stood there, dumb with pleasure as L pulled his orgasm from him, Light gasping for air as L drank down every shot of come.

L looked up at Light from his place on the floor and wiped his mouth. Light shivered as they locked eyes. “Why did you do that?” Light asked, perplexed.

“I wanted to,” was the simple response. L stood, and Light grabbed his face and pulled him into a hot kiss, the taste of come on his lips and tongue. It wouldn't do, Light thought, to have sex and yet not have kissed. That was too backwards, felt too much like using each other instead of being together.

It took everything Light had not to confess he loved L as they fell back onto the bed, kissing and exploring every inch of each other's bodies they could reach. L pinned Light to the bed and lifted off him, stilling his grinding hips. “I want you, but I'm not sure.”

“What do you mean?” Light asked, still breathless.

“I want you… inside me, I mean. But I'm not sure if now is a good time,” L confessed, letting Light’s wrists go and sitting up.

Light sat up with him and pulled L into his chest, kissing his face, “We go at your pace. This isn't a race.”

While L appreciated what Light was saying, L was postponing for Light's benefit, not his own. He knew how he was, how his appetite for sex could become insatiable, and he knew when that happened that Light alone wouldn't be enough. It wasn't fair to take Light's virginity, his trust, be the one he bonded with just to break it. He was selfish and crazy, but not heartless.

Kissing Light back, L tangled his long fingers in auburn hair. The tip of his penis felt so sensitive as it rubbed against Light's stomach. Light must've noticed the face he was making, because he took L in hand and brought him to completion while his tongue invaded that warm, wet mouth.

They were both relaxed and ready for bed after their little sexual adventure, and couldn't help but kiss each other in the bathroom as they cleaned up. L would never admit this, but he'd never felt this way about someone before. Sure, he'd had plenty of partners, trysts, and substantial one night stands, but that was always during his manic phases, or, as he called it, his “awake” time. Nobody but Watari had ever so much as tolerated him when he was depressed. Hell, even Watari barely tolerated him. He sometimes wondered if his usefulness ever ran out, would Watari be done with him? It hurt to consider but it was probably true. At the end of the day, L was replaceable. Near was up and coming and maybe he'd replace him sooner rather than later.

“Hey, what are you thinking? You looked lost for a moment,” Light said as he traced his fingers down L's bare back.

“Oh, nothing important. Sorry, just got distracted. Let's go to bed,” L suggested, grabbing Light's hand and smiling weakly.

Light wouldn't argue with that. He kissed L's forehead sweetly and L closed his eyes, giving into the sensation of being loved-truly loved- for the first time. Invading anxieties wouldn't let the feeling last, however. _I'm going to fuck this up somehow. I just know it._

They both assumed their usual positions with both of them on their sides, Light holding L's back against his chest and breathing in the scent of that soft, dark hair. L was his. Finally his. It felt good to know the feelings were mutual, that L wanted this too. He pushed away the creeping feeling of dread, the feeling that the other shoe would drop. It wouldn't be true, he insisted as he closed his eyes and held L tighter. Their love would be enough, and L would love him enough not to make the same mistakes his mother made. Even as he told himself these things, he knew it was a lie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still digging it? Idk how long this story will be, but I know where it's going. I hope you hang on for the ride. It's bound to be wild!


	4. Batshit Crazy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light and his dad have a nice lunch. L loses his cool after some bad news.

As the days passed, L's mood seemed to shift. He seemed happier, more relaxed, smiled more. Everyone noticed it, but only Souichiro guessed what was going on with any accuracy. He’d have to pull his son aside and warn him later. He didn’t want Light walking the same fateful path he’d walked with Sachiko all those years ago.

“Care to have lunch out with your old man today?” Souichiro asked Light, interrupting he and L as they sat shoulder to shoulder working.

Light looked up and glanced from L to his dad. L nodded and smiled cheerfully, “You should go. Despite working together the two of you haven’t had much quality time together in a while.”

“Ok dad, sure!” Light stood and excused himself, following his dad out of the building.

To save time, they decided on a restaurant within walking distance. After they sat and ordered, Souichiro decided not to stall on the conversation he wanted to have. “So,” he started, “You and Ryuzaki seem like you've gotten really close.”

Light nervously sipped his water. Uh oh, is it that obvious? “Yeah, you could say that.” He tried to shrug and seem casual, but he knew his father could read him.

“I'm not going to presume I can tell you who to love, Light. You're old enough to make that decision. I just see some things in him that remind me of your mother, and I would be remiss if I didn't say anything.”

Light's breath hitched and he tried to hide his blush by looking down. It was useless, however. Taking a deep breath and gathering his thoughts, Light looked back at his father, “I appreciate your concern, dad. To be honest, I've been having the same concerns. I don't think his issues have ever been addressed. I don't think he knows what's wrong with him. I've been waiting for an opportunity to talk with him about it.”

Souichiro nodded, “Do you think he'll seek treatment?”

“I don't know,” Light admitted.

“What if he doesn't? Will you stay with him?”

Light looked down again, his hands becoming sweaty where they sat in his lap. “I would like to think that I would stay. But if I'm being honest, I don't know. I can't stay if he becomes abusive. But I would like to believe that we are all worthy of a loving relationship despite our shortcomings.”

Souichiro was silent a moment. He could see his son’s heart shattering and how hard it would be to put him back together again if L were careless with it. Sachiko's untimely death had shattered Souichiro, and he never did recover. That was the last thing he wanted for his son. He'd had enough heart break in his young life. “I hope for both your sakes he gets help,” Souichiro said.

Just then their food was served. They discussed lighter subjects as they ate, finding a way to laugh and joke after such a heavy topic. Light was grateful for his father, and considered his words seriously as he ate. His dad had been through more than his fair share of heart ache.

Light didn't remember finding his mom's body in the bathtub as a child. The trauma specialist said that was his minds way of protecting itself. It was alright that he didn't remember it. He knew the story, however. According to his father, Light very calmly called his dad and explained what had happened, and his dad instructed him to check for a pulse. Looking back, Souichiro would say that he shouldn't have asked a 9 year old to do that. But he wasn't exactly thinking clearly at the time. After he hung up with his father, he sat with his mom while emergency services were on the way. He didn't cry; not yet. That would come later. In that moment, he had a job to do. He locked the door so his little sister couldn't come in and waited until someone arrived who could help. He knew it was too late. He knew she'd killed herself. What he didn't understand at the time was why.

During her good times, they were so close. Light felt like his mom was his best friend, that he could tell her anything. She knew he was gay even at that young and tender age, and constantly assured him that he was perfect just the way he was. There were so many times throughout the years that Light would think back to those words and wish she was still there to help him through. He wished she could meet L. She would love him, he knew. She would've known just what to say to get him to seek help.

Satisfied with their meal and conversation, the two made their way back to HQ. Their light hearted feeling wouldn't last, however. As they approached the computer room, they noticed the team standing outside it, looking through the small window on the door. Loud banging noises were coming from within, as well as yelling. “What's going on?” Souichiro asked in a commanding voice.

Aizawa looked their way and laughed, “He's really lost it this time!”

Light's heart beat hard in his chest. “Let me through,” he said, and the others backed away from the door in surprise as he reached for the handle. Once Light was inside, they crowded the window again and watched as Light slowly approached L with his hands up.

“Ryuzaki?” No response. Softer, Light called, “L?”

L quit swinging the bat from where he stood on the desk, leaving it in the middle of a pile of plastic and metal pieces. Looking over to Light, the wild, rage fueled look left L's eyes and he started to shake. _Is he embarrassed?_ Light wondered. Everyone had seen L's outbursts, but this one was by far the worst. “Hey,” Light tried, “What's going on?”

L stepped down from the desk and into the arms of his lover, where he buried his face in Light's shoulder and cried. _Fuck._ _I don't want them to see me cry_. “Stupid fucking Interpol is threatening to not pay me because I haven't produced anything worthy of prosecution and the lead I was following just turned out to be a bust and you know… you know what I'm really trying to do. I'm starting to doubt myself, to wonder if I can protect you.”

Light squeezed L all the tighter, “I believe in you,” he whispered in L's ear.

As the two young lovers talked and L calmed down, the men outside marveled at the strange scene. “If any of us tried that we'd die!” Matsuda said with a nervous laugh.

A brazen Aizawa retorted, “Yeah, well, you don't have that sweet teenage ass like Yagami does.”

Souichiro felt enraged, “That's my son you're talking about!”

Aizawa cowered before him, kicking himself for once again speaking without thinking. “Sorry chief.” _It’s true though,_ he thought. He was certain young Yagami was giving it to that bipolar twat every night.

The door opened and a more reserved, almost bashful looking L said, “Everyone go home. We're done for the day.” Matsuda cheered, Aizawa rolled his eyes, Mogi said nothing, and Souichiro nodded. Perhaps Light will be a good influence on him after all.

Watari had already hired a team to come in and clean up and replace everything. He let L know they were on the way with cool indifference. It truly did not phase the old man a bit. Light took L's hand and when the coast was clear, planted a kiss on top of that crazy head of hair. He walked him to the elevator, “Let's go to the roof and get some air,” Light suggested. He figured now was as good a time as any to talk to L.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think!


	5. On The Roof

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light asks L to get help

Looking out over the ledge at the tiny people below, Light considered his words. “You remind me of my mother,” he started.

“Oh?” L found the statement genuinely curious. Neither of the Yagami men ever spoke of her. There was no information about her in the file either.

“She died when I was nine,” Light said, finding he couldn't look at L.

“I'm sorry,” L hadn't known, but felt stupid because he should have.

“She killed herself. Took a bunch of pills then slit her wrists in the bathtub. I'm the one who found her.”

“Jesus Christ, Light,” L exclaimed, breathless at the confession. _This kid’s potentially more fucked up than I am._

Light finally turned to L, eyes watery as he tried to contain his emotions. “She was sick, L. She had bipolar disorder and she lost her fight with it,” Light took L's hand, and that's when L noticed he was shaking. Light continued, “L, I'm afraid for you. I'm afraid of…” he trailed off.

“I understand,” L said, squeezing his hand. In a moment of clarity, L considered all the times he contemplated suicide. It never really bothered him before, but knowing what Light had gone through, L knew he couldn't do that to Light. Not again. Once was too many times.

“Would you be willing to get an evaluation by a psychiatrist? There are medications that can stabilize your mood. You'll be able to control your anger. You won't get so depressed,” Light said.

“Do you think I'm bipolar like your mom?”

“Yes.”

L breathed deep. He always knew something wasn't right. To go from sleeping all day to not sleeping at all and back again wasn’t normal. Spending gobs of money on things he didn't even really want wasn’t normal. Wanting to kill yourself _wasn’t normal_. It was strange, but putting a name to the problem gave him some relief. “I'll do it.”

Light thought he couldn't love L more in that moment. His heart felt light for the first time in ages, it seemed. Their love story wouldn't be tragic retelling after all. No. Suddenly Light had hope. Leaning in to kiss the dark haired detective, Light said, “Thank you. Thank you so much.”

They stood on the roof and admired the scenery for a bit longer, holding each other and talking. Light had a way of bringing L back down into reality that nobody else could do. Of course, it wasn't permanent. L's mood would continue to swing to extreme ends of its pendulum.

L leaned into Light's warm embrace as they looked over the receding skyline. They’d been out there quite a while. “Are you ready to go in?”

“Yeah, it's getting kind of cold,” Light said with a shiver.

Holding hands, the two made their way inside and headed toward the elevator. “You know,” Light started to say, “I haven't taken you on a proper date. Would you like to go out with me tonight?”

L turned wide, dark grey eyes up to Light. Nobody had ever taken him on a date. Not even an improper one. It made him smile to think that Light wanted to make such a fuss over their budding romance. “I would love that.”

“Alright, let's freshen up and get out of here. Sometimes I think we spend too much time in this building.”

The doors to the elevator opened and the two of them made their way to their room. Light changed clothes, but all L did was put on his old sneakers. They were comfortable and he didn't care that they were a bit ratty. Light stared at him for a moment and laughed. “What?” L asked.

“Nothing. Ready to go?” L nodded in response and the couple of opposites made their way out into the city. Of course, L underdressed and shivered, so Light gave him his coat and stoically faced the bitter weather without it.

Opting for a place within walking distance, the two held hands on the side walk, blissful in their adventure until a group of young punks whistled at them from across the street. “Fags!” one of them shouted as the others laughed.

L looked down and dropped Light’s hand, folding under the harassment. Light stopped and grabbed L's hand back up, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “You can't let them win,” he said, fierce determination in his eyes.

L looked up at him, deciding in that moment that he could really love Light Yagami. He was always so unsure of his feelings, but this- this moment, this person who stumbled into his life under the strangest of circumstances- this he was sure of. L leaned up and planted a firm kiss right on Light's lips. It was quite the “fuck you” to the group across the street.

“Get a room, queers! Nobody wants to see that gay shit!” the group laughed again and began moving in their direction, seemingly looking for a fight.

“How much trouble do you want to get in tonight?” Light asked L.

“I still have some pent up rage from earlier so I'm down.” L flashed Light a menacing smile and cracked his knuckles.

Both of them knew the other could fight based on the several fights they had themselves over the months. Back then Light didn't realize L was mentally ill and neither of them realized it was sexual tension causing much of the problem. Getting together seemed to resolve most of it.

Adrenaline seemed to be coursing through their veins as the group got closer. There were four of them. Unfair, but hopefully they were all bark. “It's not too late to turn around. It would be a real shame to get your asses kicked by a couple of fags.” Light said. L snickered.

“Shut the fuck up homo. All that mouth is good for is dick anyway, right?” the ring leader, a skinny kid who looked like he spent a lot of time doing as many drugs as possible, spat.

“Oh, is that what you're wanting? A blow job?” L asked, every word dripping with sarcasm.

“Enough!” the skinny punk yelled, outraged. He launched forward and threw himself into a punch and at L's head, but L dodged it, landing his knee in the guys stomach.

His three punk friends were right behind him, two of them aiming for Light and the other for L. One jumped into the air to tackle Light, taking him down at the waist. They tumbled over the sidewalk and Light landed on top of him, straddling the guy as he punched his face over and over.

The friend attempted to pull Light off while L knocked out his second adversary with a swift kick to the face. Then L ran over to Light and knocked the other guy off him with a couple punches to the face. “Are you ok?” L asked as he pulled Light up. The group of punk kids groaned as they stumbled too their feet, high tailing it out of there, shouting idle threats as the police showed up.

“Yeah, I'm fine. You?”

“I'm good but I would prefer not to talk to the police,” L said, pulling Light along. He hadn't exactly informed Light of his past issues with the law. For all his genius, he wasn't very good at not getting caught.  
Light seemed to understand and the two walked at a quickened pace away from the scene of the fight. They laughed amongst themselves as they recounted the fight and what absolute pussies those other guys were. Settling on a food truck, the two sat on a bench and enjoyed their dinner in peace. Despite the bumpy start, the rest of the date went well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update, my weekend was packed! As always, comments are gold 😁


	6. He Can Never Know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> L has a manic episode.

Light and L sat down early the next morning and took time out to search for a psychiatrist. What they didn't know is that no matter who they called, every psychiatric office was booked at least two months out. L grumbled over his coffee and muffins.

“We can make it two months, right?” Light shrugged it off as he got ready for school but his anxiety was building. He knew L wasn't completely in control of his moods and actions, and he worried in silence about L's ability to remain faithful and not go off the rails. It was entirely possible for L to break up with him during a manic episode or disappear like his mom used to. Light didn't even entertain the idea of him turning up dead. He couldn't go there. Instead, he kissed L's forehead as he pulled his bookbag over his shoulder.

“I mean, we've made it 6 months already,” L said, looking into that young and beautiful face.

“True. I can't believe it's been that long,” Light smiled. “I hate that school’s starting back. I wish I could stay with you.” Light had been lucky to get a couple weeks with L when he needed him most, but the holiday was over and it was back to daily boredom.

“Me too, but school is important,” L smiled, leaning into the goodbye kiss Light offered. There was more to say, and L considered telling him to stay home today. But he didn’t. Instead he watched him go. What he didn't tell Light is that he was afraid of losing control, of doing something terrible. He always felt it coming days before it actually hit. There was nothing he could do about it, either. No amount of jacking off in the shower would satiate his hypersexuality. Sleep aids wouldn't cure his insomnia. Nothing could slow his racing mind. It was only a matter of time now. Like a ticking clock on a timed bomb or a leaky pipe ready to bust, he felt it drip by drip, tick by tock.

He figured the accumulating stress triggered it. Probably the fight from the other night. Could be the embarrassment from his meltdown as well. The new relationship with Light. Whatever it was, he felt insane, but good. Confident. He was going to solve this case and fool the world. He was L. He was justice. He could do anything.

But first he wanted to upload a video of himself to Porn hub. Of course he made sure the video framed him from the chest down. He couldn't have his face floating around the internet. _Fuck it,_ he thought, and decided to go ahead and show off his most fantastic of tricks. Bending over as though he were some kind of contortionist, L took his own cock in his mouth and sucked himself to climax.

Rewatching the video was incredibly hot. Satisfied, he uploaded the video on his laptop and pulled out his phone, “Hello Grindr, my old friend,” he smiled as he opened the app. Scrolling through the list of men, he found several locals who looked fuckable to him. “Oh, yes I most certainly can meet right now.” L messaged Aiber to ready the car. He was going out!

As L met, charmed, and fucked 3 strangers, thoughts of Light never came to L's mind. He was too busy taking an 8 inch cock up his ass while his cock was in someone else's ass while someone else's cock was in his mouth. It was a lot, and unfortunately L's mind could only focus on the cock before him. And inside him.

When he got back to his apartment inside HQ he showered and dressed just in time for Light to get back from school. “Hey!” L greeted cheerfully. Almost too cheerfully.

“Hey…” Light narrowed his eyes, “You feeling alright?”

“Great,” L said with a kiss. “In fact, I'm ready. I know I am. I want us to take things to the next level.”

Light suspected L was manic, but what 18 year old turned down sex? “Really?”

“Yes,” deep down L knew he was going to regret this decision. He was going to regret all the decisions he'd made that day. But right now he didn't care. Right now he was horny and Light was beautiful and tight and willing. “Get naked.”

_Twist my arm,_ Light thought. Alarms should've been going off in Light's head, but they weren't. Maybe teenage hormones dowsed them. Maybe his fucked up childhood inhibited their development altogether. Whatever the case, the only thing sounding an alarm was his dick.

It didn't take long for the two of them to be naked on the bed, sloppily making out like they were ravenous. L pulled away from the kiss, “Do you know how to do this?”

Light shook his head, “No.”

“Ha! Ok, no worries. Lucky for you I'm a pro,” L said with a peck to Light’s lips. He jumped off the the bed and ran to his dresser, opening a drawer and pulling out a decorative box. Bringing it to the bed, he set it down and pulled off the lid. Inside was lube, anal beads, plugs, a dildo, cuffs and a blind fold.

“Shit, L,” Light said, taking it all in. Suddenly, he felt so innocent and intimidated.

L must've caught on because he ran a hand down Light's arm, “Don't worry, most of this stuff is for me.”

“Alright, then. So, what are we using on you?”

“Up to you. This is a learning experience for you. I need to be stretched-“

“Stretched?”

“Stretched,” L giggled under his breath, “You weren't kidding about being clueless, were you?”

“Afraid not.” Light blushed as he poked the dildo. He'd never seen one in real life.

“So, anal sex isn’t like regular sex. There's no natural lubrication and the muscle is tight and needs to be stretched beforehand to prevent pain and tears,” L explained, feeling a bit clinical for the mood he'd been trying to set.

“Is this even safe?” Light’s eyes were wide. _Tears? Pain? Im gonna screw this up._

“Yes, it's perfectly safe. So, you can use your fingers or a plug. Which do you want to try on me? I like both,” L said, holding up a plug with a purple crystal on the base.

Light took the plug from L and kissed him. “Can I try both?”

“Oh, I like you,” L said. He leaned back on the bed and spread his legs, “Take the lube from the box and apply it to your fingers. You can never use too much.” Light nodded and did what L said. He turned and looked at Light, his fingers hanging over L's perfect ass. “Go on,” L said, “Stick one finger in and fuck me with it like it's a tiny penis.”

Light burst out laughing, and L laughed too. “Alright, stop making me laugh or this is never going to happen,” Light said. Leaning forward, he pressed a finger to L's puckered hole, then pushed in. It was tight and warm and he felt a shot of arousal burst through him at the thought of sinking his cock inside it.

“Ah, that's good, Light. Keep doing that,” L encouraged as Light slowly pressed his finger in and out. “Now do two fingers.”

Light looked up at him quizzically, “Two?”

“Two.”

Light did as he was told, and while he didn't have the experience to know to reach for the prostate, he still made L feel good. L instructed him to switch to the plug, and Light played with it while teasing L's cock with his tongue. “You're sure you've never done this?” L asked as he panted and writhed.

Light smiled, giggling around L's cock. Inspired, he popped off L and lowered his head to the base of the plug, clenching it between his teeth and giving it a tug until it came free. L sang his praises and volunteered to slick Light’s cock for him. “Are you ready?” L asked.

Light nodded and brought his thighs flush with L's as he pressed his weeping erection inside that tight, hot body. He groaned and felt a rush of heat flow through him. This was like nothing he'd ever felt before. His hips jerked a little and his rhythm was unsteady at first, but it didn't take him long to find a steady pace inside L.

“Oh my God, this is amazing!” Light said as he crashed his hips forward and back, the wet, lewd noises and cries of pleasure from his lover only heightening his pleasure.

“Yes! There! That's the spot!” L's eyes nearly rolled in the back of his head as Light accidentally found his prostate. L climaxed, bursting out between them, and Lights erratic thrusts became harder as L came in spurts. “Yes! Harder!” L egged him on, the head board now banging so loud against the wall that they thought they might break the bed, but they didn't care.

Finally Light spilled over that glorious, wonderful edge and came inside L, shaking and shivering as he collapsed on top of him. “Holy shit,” he panted out.   
L kissed him, “That was amazing,” he smiled, “Let's get cleaned up.”

Light thought he was too boneless to move, but somehow managed to drunkenly stand and make it to the bathroom. L somehow still had energy, the lucky bastard. Light knew he'd sleep like a king that night. He was fucking exhausted. Sex is amazing. This is amazing. Light's thoughts were that of utter bliss as he fell asleep in L's arms.

It was just too bad L's thoughts weren't the same. The thought of what he’d done that day returned to him. _The video! Oh God!_ He held his face in his hands. _What have I done?_ The guilt consumed him. As Light lay peacefully sleeping beside him, L's face fell. _He can never know._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hold onto your seats, the ride isn't over yet!


	7. L's Wild Ride

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> L isn't finished being a manic mess just yet

Unable to sleep, L eventually climbed carefully from the bed and dressed, grabbing his phone on his way out the door. Despite his earlier guilt, his craving for sex and energy level led him to needing an outlet. Knowing it was too late in the evening to get Aiber to drive for him, he decided to get behind the wheel. Though he rarely drove because he hated it, he did have a license. Though, judging by the way he sped and recklessly tore down the road, he shouldn't have one.

The neon lights of a local bar seemed to call his name like a siren's song and he pulled up in absolute obedience to the cry. Whiskey neat was his order, the place a calm atmosphere with its dim lights and dark wooded aesthetic. Not many people were out drinking on a Monday night. He supposed that was fair. Monday’s were reserved for the lonely and marathon drinkers and for one manic man in search of a new adventure.

Music played softly in the background and as L scanned the scene for a jukebox, his eye caught the glance of a man sitting at a high top behind him. L smiled over his drink before turning around and counted down from ten, knowing exactly the moment this stranger would finally walk up and introduce himself.

“Tyler,” he said, seating himself boldly in the bar stool next to L, body facing him, legs apart.

It was hard to resist the temptation to run a hand up his thigh until he felt the size and hardness those jeans were hiding. But resist he did, for now. “Luke,” L lied with a sexy grin and bedroom eyes.

“Can I buy you another?”

“Yes you can.”

It wasn't long before L's creeping hand up Tyler’s thigh led to being shoved up against the wall in a bathroom stall. A rather steamy make out session turned into something much more erotic when Tyler pulled out a little bag of white powder. “Do you mind?”

L smiled evilly as he undid his pants and yanked them just low enough for Tyler to have access. Holding his erection straight with one hand, he expertly tapped out a line of coke across L's dick. Down on his knees in that cramped bathroom stall, he snorted the line from L's cock, then took his tongue and lapped up what was left. L groaned as the stranger blew him in the bathroom, steadying himself with either hand on the walls of the stall. Not that he would stop groaning loudly even if there were others present, but he was glad nobody else was there to hear the sounds they were making.

L cried out loudly as he came in Tyler's mouth. The man pulled off and stood, “You want a turn?” he asked as he dangled the bag before L.

Snatching it from his hand with a kiss, L let his smile become crooked with desire. Tyler yanked down his own pants and L copied what his new friend had done. It had been a very long time since he'd snorted cocaine, but he hadn't forgotten what a wild ride it could be. Down on his knees, he pressed his nostrils to the large cock and snorted the line like a pro. He winced and rubbed his nose a bit before engulfing the other man in his mouth. It was only fair he return the pleasure, after all. Tyler dug his fingers in L's hair and pulled hard, as though able to read L's mind about what he wanted.

After sucking Tyler to completion, the men pulled up their pants and looked at each other. “Wanna get out of here?” Tyler asked.

“Sure.” L was down for anything.

***

The next morning, L would wake with a pounding head ache, sore eyes, sore body, freezing in the dead grass of a park near a large body of water. He had no idea where he was or how he got there. His wallet, phone, and car keys were all missing. _God damnit_, he thought as the haze lifted and he sat up.

There was a public bathroom not too far from him. He stood, vomited, and stumbled up the hill toward it. He was soaked through his clothing from the morning dew, and held himself tight with his arms, hoping the bathroom was warm. One look in the mirror of the restroom said it all, “Christ alive,” he said, the words echoing off the bathroom walls. His face was covered in dried blood. His nose was busted and one of his eyes black. _What the fuck happened last night?_ He had absolutely no recollection. He remembered snorting coke in the bathroom and that was it.

Doing the best he could to wash up with warm water and paper towels, L managed to get the blood off his face, but not his clothes. He dried them out the best he could under the hand dryer, finally warming up just enough to stop shivering so hard. It was time to find a phone and call Watari. The old man didn't seem phased by much, but L knew he'd be in deep shit for this._ Oh God, I bet Light is worried sick. Fuck. I'll call him first._

It was a long, painful walk to the nearest gas station. Thankfully the young female attendant took pity on him and allowed him to use the store phone. He sat in an office chair with his head in one hand and phone to his ear as it rang. She brought him some coffee and he offered her a grateful smile.

“Hello?” It was so good to hear Light’s voice.

“Light, it's me,” his voice cracked and he hardly sounded like himself.

“Where the hell are you!? The entire team has been looking for you, L! I thought you were dead! Do you know where they found your car?”

_At least they found it_, “I'm sorry, Light. I'm so sorry. I'll explain everything when I get home. I just wanted to call you first because I knew you'd worry.”

Light sighed into the phone but didn't say anything for a moment. “What’s the address? I'll send for you.”  
L winced a little when Light didn't offer to come himself. He knew that meant Light was incredibly angry with him. Giving Light the address, he felt a little hurt but not surprised when Light hung up the phone without saying goodbye.

L fell asleep while waiting for his ride and woke to a very pissed off looking Watari. The old man didn't say a word, however. L gulped, wondering if Watari was more pissed that he wasn't dead and instead going to continue being a thorn in the old man's side.

He fell asleep again on the long ride home, and felt the anxiety hit him when they pulled into the parking garage of HQ. Facing Light would by far be the scariest thing he did today. However, when he made it up to their room, he found Light wasn't there. The bed was neatly made and on the comforter was a folded note with his name on it. _Oh no_. L's heart sank as he approached the bed. Shaking, he lifted the paper and unfolded it.

“L,

I know everything. I typically believe in privacy but when you went missing and we uncovered your phone in your car, I went through it looking for clues. I found more than I bargained for. I'm shattered. I've moved back home. I don't wish to ever see or speak to you again. Please respect my wishes.

-Light”

L held the crumpled paper to his chest as he sank to his knees. He’d ruined everything. As he laid his head on the bed and heaved out his sob, he realized he loved Light, and he was gone forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big oof.


	8. Black Mail

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Watari threatens L

Everything was a mess. Watari did not allow L to sulk in a fit of depression this time. It would seem that he was fed up with L's increasingly horrid behavior and because it was now interfering with the investigation, he decided to threaten L. Standing by his bed, Watari stared down at the lump of comforter and spikes of messy hair poking out. “You need to get up now and solve this case or I'm turning in everything you have on the Yagami boy to Interpol.”

L peeked out from under the covers. “You wouldn't.”

“Yes, I would. I have everything on a separate hard drive that you do not have access to. Get to work and show me real progress in thirty days or I turn it over.” And with that, Watari turned around and walked back out of his room.

L threw the covers off his body and rubbed his tired eyes. _Fuck_. He felt so foggy headed, so exhausted. _I can't do this. Light's going to die_. Making his way to the computer room where the team worked, L stopped in the kitchen for coffee. He wished for something stronger, but, alas…

“Ryuzaki!” Aizawa seemed enraged at the sight of the detective. “Did you let our star suspect go!?”  
L placed a thumb lazily to his lip, “Um, yes. He's no longer under suspicion.”

“So, you disappear for two days without word, let your main suspect go, and return as if nothing happened and expect us to just ignore all that?!” Aizawa was turning red as he screamed, a vein bulging on his forehead.

“Uh, yes?” L shrugged as he walked past Aizawa. He really didn't have time for this shit.

“That’s it! I quit!” Aizawa yelled, fists balled in his rage.

“That's a little extreme, Aizawa-,” Matsuda tried to say, but Aizawa stared at him with an almost insane expression and he shut up.

“Don’t let the door hit you on the way out,” L mumbled under his breath as he sat at his computer.

“I heard that! You know what? FUCK YOU, L! I'm out of here!” Aizawa stormed off and Matsuda tried to follow him but Souichiro placed a hand on his shoulder and shook his head.

“Let him go,” Souichiro said. Turning to L, he stood behind him as he spoke, “I don't like what happened between you and my son, but I believe in keeping professional and personal matters separate. I will continue working with you, Ryuzaki.”

L turned to Souichiro and bowed his head. He had a lot of respect for the man. “Thank you,” he said softly. Looking up, “Can we speak in private?”

“Of course.”

L hopped up from his chair and slowly slouched his way out into the hallway, Souichiro close behind. Leaning against the wall, he took a deep breath and said in a low voice, “Watari has threatened me. If I don't find a suitable Kira to prosecute in 30 days, Watari turns everything we have on your son over to Interpol.”

Souichiro blanched, “Is there enough to convict?”  
“Yes, unfortunately,” L sighed. “Despite everything that happened, I do love your son. We can't let this happen. I promised Light I would get him off and I intend to do so.”

Souichiro nodded, “Thank you, Ryuzaki.”

“I know it won't make up for what I did. Nothing can fix that. But Light doesn't deserve what's waiting for him if he's convicted,” L said.

“I agree, and I'll do everything in my power to help you,” Souichiro promised.

The two men went back inside and they along with Mogi and Matsuda began the difficult task of nailing down an alternative Kira. With only thirty days to get it done, L knew the chances of success were slim. If there was a God out there, he was praying to it.

***

Heart break apparently looked good on Light Yagami. Then again, it probably helped that he was down right stunning. College was a whole new ball game, he was learning. And while it was flattering to get propositioned by men and women alike, Light simply didn't subscribe to the belief that you get over one person by getting under another.

That didn't stop him from trying to drown his sorrows by attending parties just as hard as he studied, however. And he may or may not have gotten a little drunk and kissed a guy in his friend’s hot tub at one such party. Light doesn't kiss and tell though, so nobody will ever know for certain.

One day, Light was walking across campus braving the cold front chilling his face as he thought for the first time he was finally ok. It still hurt, but it wasn't soul crushing anymore. It didn't feel like his whole world was ending anytime he thought about it. He was no longer angry. His phone lit up with a notification which stopped him dead in his tracks. It was L's doctors appointment. He was supposed to accompany L to it. Putting his phone back in his pocket, he allowed himself to wonder briefly if L were going and hope he would. Then he put the thought away.

Something nagged at him, however. Suddenly he gulped and felt incredibly stupid. L had sex with him without protection after screwing 3 complete strangers. Did STD's even work that fast? He felt fine, but he also knew that meant nothing, really. With L's promiscuous history, however, there really was no telling if the guy was clean. Light decided he'd make a doctor's appointment of his own. If nothing else, it would give him peace of mind.

***

Two weeks of anxious waiting and daily, neurotic penis inspections later, Light arrived at the doctor's office. His family had been going to the same doctor since he was a kid. The office was cozy and familiar, and he felt confident that everything would be ok until he turned to sit down and saw familiar black hair poking up behind a magazine. Rolling his eyes, he walked over to L. “I know you're not really reading that.”

He peeked over the top of the magazine he had pinched between two fingers and protested, “Yes I am.”

“Ryuzaki,” Light sighed, “it's upside down.”

“Oh,” realizing the jig was up, he set it back on the side table and folded his arms around his knees. “So what are you doing here?”

“I should be asking you that. Did you follow me?”

“No, you followed me. I was here first,” L said, indignant.

Light sat next to him, “Whatever. It's a little bizarre that we’re both here on the same day.”

“Well it might seem less bizarre if I tell you your father referred me to this doctor. The uh, psychiatrist wanted a full physical,” L explained.

_So he did go. Good for him_, Light thought. He nodded quietly as he scanned the room, part of him wishing to get out of having to talk to his ex and another part of him wishing to stay.

“Why are you here?” Light didn't seem sick to L, but L realized he had no right to ask that. “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be rude.”

“It's fine. Honestly, I'm getting checked out because I'm not comfortable moving on in any new relationships until I know I don't have anything,” Light explained.

L's eyes widened in shock and obvious hurt. But before he could respond, a nurse opened the door to the waiting room and called him back. Rising slowly, he tried to smile, “It was nice seeing you, Light. You look good.”

Light knew he'd wounded L and even though that was the goal, it made him feel like shit. “It was good seeing you too.”

“I know when you're lying,” L said with a sad smile as he disappeared with the nurse.

_Oof,_ Light thought. He hadn't been expecting that. There was no dwelling on it, however, because he was called to the back a moment later himself. _Here we go,_ he thought.


	9. I'm Kira

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> L makes a difficult, self sacrificing decision to save Light.

The medicine made him feel weird at first. He threw up the first time he took it, but after that he was alright. It was two different pills, with a third for emergencies, whatever the hell that meant. His psychiatrist recommended therapy once he'd been stable for a while, as the medicine could take some adjusting. He'd have to go back in a month and see what kind of adjustments were needed.

It was all quite overwhelming, honestly, and L wished Light were there to walk through it with him. He'd of made sense of all this. There was no discernable difference in the way he felt mentally despite the initial physical reaction_. It takes tim_e, he told himself. Maybe it was wishful thinking, but L hoped it pulled him out of the mire. He hoped these magic little pills somehow got him over Light. They couldn't help him win Light back; nothing could help with that. But maybe he'd move on. Maybe he'd finally be stable and able to have a healthy relationship he didn't fuck up one day.

All of that seemed incredibly far off, however. He was alright with that because right now it was all he could do to get out of bed. He and Watari seemed to reach some kind of mutual understanding since he started his medication. While the old man didn't rescind his threat, he did make sure L got up everyday. He woke him up with coffee, food, and his next dose, helping him remember to take it consistently. It was the first time in his life that L had taken any sort of initiative, any sort of responsibility for his own life. Watari was in full support of that and even though he'd threatened Light’s life, he hoped L prevailed. Watari felt Light's presence in L's life influenced him greatly, and knew his death could derail L permanently. It was a calculated risk, leveraging L like he did, but he was certain it would all work out.

However, what Watari didn't know is that L felt desperate. It had been three weeks since they started searching for a new suspect. There hadn't been any new Kira killings for months, not since Light gave up the Death Note in pursuit of L romantically. L smirked to himself at the thought, glad Light couldn't murder him upon learning he’d cheated, even though he deserved it.

With just days to go before Watari pulled the proverbial trigger, L gulped hard as he came to a difficult decision. It wasn't fueled by mania or a suicidal ideation. No, for the first time he was thinking clearly. Walking to his closet, he opened the door and flipped on the light. The in wall vault seemed to glare ominously back at him, but he didn't tremble as he turned its dial. No, with quiet stoicism nobody would ever see, he opened it and pulled out the Death Note. Nobody knew he had it, not even Light, who was still childish enough to think burying the thing was a good idea. _Like I wouldn't find it._

“Hey Ryuk,” L said wistfully as he brushed off the cover, not caring to look at the Shinigammi.

“What’s going on, L?” Ryuk had a bad feeling his fun was about to come to an abrupt end.

“Wanna go down to the police station with me? I can't guarantee it won't be boring. There won't be any apples there either, most likely.”

Ryuk hadn't known L long, but he knew the human well enough to know that the sadness he seemed to be feeling was different from his usual mood swings. There was a finality to it. Ryuk stretched and yawned, “Guess I don't have much of a choice,” he said with a laugh.

Ignoring him, L left the closet, put on his shoes, jacket, and grabbed the car keys. It was time. He was thankful for Ryuk's silence as much as he was his company on the way to the precinct. Pulling into the parking lot, he gripped the steering wheel and leaned his forehead against it. They wouldn't give him his medication in prison, if he even made it that far. He'd probably get stabbed to death by an inmate who had it out for him. With any luck, he'd never make it to execution day.

Stepping out of his vehicle, L walked through the doors and approached the front counter. “Hi, I'm here to turn myself in.”

“For?” the cop seemed amused by the skinny, shaggy haired kid.

“I'm Kira.”

“Get down now! Hands on your head! Don't move!” the cop grabbed his radio and shakily called for backup. L did as he was told, lying face down on the cold, hard ground, waiting for the cuffs to go around his wrists at any moment. It would almost be thrilling if he weren't so terrified.

***

“Huh?” Light felt his face flush with embarrassment as he scrambled to pull his phone from his pocket. The entire class seemed to be staring at him. Even the professor stopped speaking.

“Are we interrupting you, Yagami?” the professor asked sarcastically, drawing a few giggles from the class.

“Uh, I'm sorry, this is an emergency!” Light clumsily shut his book and shuffled his papers into his bag, storming out of class as he answered his phone. His father never called him out of blue like this, especially when he knew he was in class.  
Once he was in the hallway he slowed to a walk, “Dad?”

“You need to come to Kira Task force HQ now, son. L has done the unthinkable and turned himself in, claiming he's Kira!” Souichiro's straining voice explained.

Light thought he might drop the phone. “He did what?! Why?”

“Watari threatened him. He was planning on turning you in if L didn't find an alternative suspect in thirty days. Since he couldn't find anyone, he turned himself in to save you.”

_He did that for me?_ “What an idiot. I'm on my way.” With that, Light hung up the phone and took off running. It felt impossibly to get there fast enough. He couldn't let L do this. Despite everything that happened between them, he still loved L. He always would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a bit of a cliff hanger. Did you see that coming? 😝


	10. A Fool in Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team tries to get L out of jail, but he won't leave. Can Light convince him to save his own life?

It was all over the news. The famous and elusive detective L turned himself in, revealing his identity to the public for the first time, claiming to be Kira. It was all anyone was talking about and the only story on every news channel all day long.

“Turn that shit off,” Aizawa said as he stepped through the door.

Everyone turned to face him, shock on their faces. Matsuda fumbled with the remote until he found the right button and cut off the TV. Watari quietly nodded in Aizawa's direction. He was the only one who knew he was coming. Someone had to let the guy past security.

“You’re back?” Souichiro asked, stepping forward.

“Yeah, I'm back. I may not have always seen eye to eye with L but he's not Kira and I'll be damned if I let him do this to himself,” he said as Souichiro shook his hand.

With renewed resolve to have one of their own back, the team rallied together to try and get something together that would get L off. “We can make a public announcement using L's voice disguiser saying he isn't really L, but one of the task force members who snapped under the pressure of the investigation,” Light suggested.

“That’s a great idea!” Matsuda cheered.

“I'll ready the voice synthesizer,” Watari said before excusing himself.

“Dad, can you take L's fake ID down to the precinct and 'prove’ he's really Ryuzaki?” Light asked.

“Sure son. I'm sure between that and the announcement, they'll have to let him go.” Souichiro said. Light nodded in agreement. It was settled then.  
Confident in their plan, Light sat down to write a convincing statement as he prepared to imitate the world's greatest detective. Souichiro took Matsuda with him, and Mogi and Aizawa stayed behind to assist Light and Watari.

Down at the precinct, things weren't going as smoothly as hoped. Souichiro had easily convinced the officers that they had the wrong man. Since he'd been working personally with L for months on the Kira investigation, they had no reason not to believe him. He was chief Yagami, after all. The man commanded respect. That wasn’t the problem. The problem was that L was refusing to leave, claiming he was Kira. After all, he'd turned over a flashdrive full of evidence that was extremely damning and the magical notebook with a horrifying Shinigammi attached to it. It was the murder weapon. It even had the names of every single person who died written in it. Why would someone who isn't the murderer have that?

“Fuck,” Souichiro said under his breath as he pulled out his phone to call Light. He and Matsuda had stepped outside to regroup after their plan failed.

Matsuda stared at the chief for a moment, shocked because in all the years he knew the man he never once heard him swear. It made him think that things must be worse than he thought- though, it didn't get much worse than L being sent to prison. Still, there seemed to be something he wasn’t privy to. He debated on asking Souichiro after his call to Light.

“Light is on his way down. Let's go back in and see if we can get them to allow him a visitor,” Souichiro said.

Matsuda hesitated, “Sir, there's more than just L's life on the line, isn't there?”

Souichiro grinned at the young detective, “Yes, very astute observation, Matsuda.” With that, Souichiro decided to tell the young detective everything. He explained Watari's blackmail which backfired and L and Light's relationship which fueled this foolish decision by L.

Matsuda was pretty shocked. Not by the blackmail or the misplaced heroism, but he had no idea that either L or Light were gay. It made a lot of sense though. They were awfully close for detective and suspect. And they lived together, though that was thinly veiled as “surveillance”. Matsuda always thought that was a bit strange. And when Light abruptly quit the case like he did after L's disappearance, it seemed like a bit of an extreme reaction. The puzzle pieces all fell perfectly into place now, however. Without thinking, and thankfully under his breath, Matsuda mused out loud, “How does gay sex even work?”

Souichiro had started walking back inside but stopped and turned, “What was that?”

Matsuda hitched and blushed madly, “Oh nothing. Let's go back inside!” _Matsuda, you idiot._

As one of the investigators on the case, Light was given permission to privately “interrogate” L. It was what would go on the official paperwork, at least. Permission came at the perfect time, too, as Light arrived the moment Souichiro and Matsuda got the go ahead. The two men briefed the anxious teen on everything that had gone down so far, and Light swallowed hard as he took it all in. It seemed to him that L was not in a good mental space.

When Light walked into the interrogation room, he wasn’t sure what to expect, but what he saw broke his heart. L looked frazzled and exhausted, chained to the table like some kind of animal. Light huffed but held back his anger. Leaning out the door, he called to the nearest officer, “Can we uncuff him, please? He doesn't need all this.”

The officer seemed a little hesitant but did as he was asked. “Thank you,” Light said as he walked back in. L was standing, rubbing his sore wrists. He hadn't said anything to Light, but he wouldn't look at him either. Throwing caution to the wind, Light walked around the table and wrapped L in a hug.

The thin detective hitched and froze, not expecting the warm embrace. He relaxed quickly and buried his face in Light's shoulder as his own heaved. “I know what you did for me,” Light whispered into his ear, “I love you.”

Lifting his head to finally look at Light, his blood shot eyes full of sorrow and regret, L opened his mouth to speak but Light stopped him with an abrupt kiss. The only thing L could utter was, “Mph,” as he felt Light's grip tighten on him.

Pulling away, Light smiled crookedly, “We’ll figure a way out of this. I promise.”

L didn't seem as sure, but it comforted him greatly to be in Light's arms again. “You know they're watching us behind the glass, right?”

Light shrugged, “I don't care,” he said before kissing L again. “Come back to HQ with me. We can solve this case together.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're enjoying it let me know!


	11. Test Results

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light and L after both nervous about their test results.

Everyone felt they could breathe again once L was back at HQ. Even Aizawa shook his hand and greeted him kindly. After such an exhausting day, all L wanted was a hot shower and a nap. “We’ll reconvene in the morning,” he said as he sent everybody home.

The message Light announced publicly when he posed as L had worked like a charm, and now all the news stations were talking about the apparent mental breakdown Ryuzaki had and how they suspected L overworked his team. “That's an understatement,” Aizawa jokingly remarked with a wink, and L smiled softly. “Alright, goodnight. I'll see you in the morning.”

“Good night Aizawa,” L said.

“Do you want me to stay with you?” Light asked with a light touch to L's arm.

“Yes, but only if you're ok with it,” L said.

Light smiled in response and curled his fingers around L's, leading him to the elevator. They had a lot of issues to work through, and rebuilding trust between them was going to take a long time. But Light would never forget how L tried to take his place as Kira, and because of that, he was willing to forgive L's previous mistakes. It was so clear how much L loved him and Light wanted to return that love.

They quietly got ready for bed, falling back into a familiar routine as though nothing between them had ever happened. Once they were snuggled close together under the covers, L found the words he wanted to say, “Are we back together? I want us to be together.”

Light brushed his hair from his eyes and kissed his lips, “Would you understand if I said I don't know yet? I love you and I want you but I'm afraid of getting hurt again.”

It hurt L to recall how badly he'd wounded Light. “Yes, that makes sense. We’ll take it slow. I'll do whatever it takes to make things right.”

“I know you will. I wouldn't be here with you right now if I didn't believe that.”

Light's words were a great encouragement to the detective, and he pulled himself closer to Light, breathing him in and feeling his heart beat as he closed his eyes. He didn't feel worthy of a love like this, but he knew he wasn't going to screw it up again. As sleep took over his tired mind, he thought of how hard he would work to become and remain stable. Whatever it took, that's what he'd do.

***

Like clock work, Watari woke L up with a glass of water and his morning dose. “Good morning, sir,” Watari said as L pushed himself up and offered his palm. Two tiny pills. That's all it took to change his life. It was an odd thought. He didn't like some of the side affects, though they were mild and if he got Light back, worth it.

Light woke up but didn't sit up. He watched the transaction from where he laid. It was confusing because part of him was angry with Watari for what he tried to do but part of him was thankful he was helping L stay compliant. He listened as the two spoke.

“Watari, we need to talk about what happened,” L said as he received his coffee.

“Yes, we do. I should've never pushed you like I did. I'll admit my judgement was bad. I just had never seen you so bad off and you needed to function. I didn't know what else to do,” he admitted.

“Well, if in the future we can take emotional blackmail off the list of things we try, I would be appreciative,” L said with a smirk.

Watari's mustache twitched, “Yes, I agree.”

“Do you think it's helping?” L asked, sounding more like a child to his father in that moment.

“Yes, L. You already seem better to me.”

“Thank you, Watari.” With that, the old man excused himself as L nibbled at his croissant.

Once he was gone, Light made it known he was awake. “Good morning,” L smiled down at the sleepy teen. It occurred to him that he'd love nothing more than to wake up next to him everyday for the rest of his life.

“Mmmm morning,” Light yawned with a stretch across his pillow. “How did you sleep?”

“Soundly. I usually do with you,” L said with a shy smile.

Light crawled over to L and rested his head in his lap. L toyed with auburn locks of hair as he finished off his breakfast. They stayed like that a moment, just the two of them enjoying the company and comfort the other offered simply by existing.

L broke the silence with a question, “Did you ever get your test results back from the doctor?”

“Yeah, but I was afraid to open the email and then things got crazy. You?”

“Same,” L fidgeted. “We should open them. Get that final confirmation one way or another.”

Light knew L was right, but it still gave him horrible anxiety to think of it. Though, if he just got it over with he might realize he was freaking out for nothing. Pulling out his phone, Light sat up, “At the same time?”

“Sure,” L said as he reached for his phone on the night stand.

With a deep breath, they both accessed their emails. A long silence passed between them as they read their results. L gulped, and Light’s eyes widened as he began to shake. L looked up at Light and opened his mouth to speak, but he was met with a furious punch to his face, knocking him clean off the bed.

Light jumped up and onto the floor, holding L down with one hand as he cocked his other. “You son of a bitch!” he punched L hard in the eye and again in the nose until blood started trickling out of his nostrils. “You gave me fucking HIV!”

It took Light a while to realize L wasn’t fighting back. He was just limp on the floor taking every punch as though he deserved it. And maybe he did. As Light felt himself become rational again, he realized he'd beaten the absolute shit out of L. Breathing heavily, he sat there straddling L for a moment before he realized what he'd done. “Oh my God,” Light breathed. L was not awake. He shook his shoulders. No response. “L!"


	12. Battered and Bruised

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light feels horrible for beating L.

Light shook uncontrollably as he attempted to scrub the blood from his hands and clothing. He wiped his nose with his sleeve, but was unable to pull himself together at all. His father walked into the bathroom with a change of clothes in hand. “Breathe, Light. It was an accident.”

“I could've killed him, dad. I almost did,” Light couldn't look his dad in the eye. He'd told him everything, including the HIV part. He saw the disappointment in his father's eyes, the man didn't have to say a word.

“But you didn't. You saved his life,” Souichiro said as he watched Light take the clothing to a bathroom stall.

While that was technically true, Light wouldn't have had to rush L to the hospital at all if he hadn't knocked him off the bed. What he hadn't noticed initially due to his rage fueled frenzy was that L had hit his head on the corner of the nightstand on his way down. Because it was so dark in the room, Light didn't notice the blood pooling beneath him until he switched on the lights.

“Is he awake yet?” Light asked, breathing deep and smoothing out his clean shirt, lifting the soiled clothing into the bag his father held open.

“Yes. He wants to see you. He doesn't know what happened,” Souichiro said.

It stung to think that Light would have to explain that he was the one who beat him. _So much for having a healthy relationship_, Light thought. As he followed his father out of the restroom and down the hospital hallway to L's room, Light thought he might either explode or disappear. Perhaps he simply wished to disappear.

Upon seeing L's poor swollen, disfigured face, Light threw himself across his lap and sobbed, “I'm a monster!” he cried, voice muffled by the blankets.

“Light? You're scaring me. What's going on?” a weak L asked, patting his back.

Light looked up, “What do you remember?”

“Watari gave me my medicine, then I woke up here.”

Sitting all the way up and clutching L's hand, Light looked down in shame, tears dripping from his chin as he shakily spoke, “I did this to you, L. It was me.”

L's face was one of absolute confusion. “Why would you do this to me?”

“I was angry. So angry, it blinded me,” Light glanced sound the room, realizing they were alone. “Do you remember looking at our test results together?”

L shook his head. _Great_, Light thought, _now I gotta give him more bad news._ “L, we’re both HIV positive. When I found out, I just lost it. I'm so sorry, there's no excuse.”

To Light’s surprise, L giggled. The giggle grew into a full on laugh and then he winced and calmed down, “Oh, it hurts to laugh.”

“How is this funny?”

“Because I obviously deserved it. I would've beat my ass too in your shoes. I know that's fucked up, and I think in the future I would like to avoid these situations,” he paused to laugh again and Light agreed, “But I did a lot of terrible things to you, Light. Things that I never actually apologized for. This is a life altering diagnosis. And while it's not the death sentence it once was, it still sucks. So, I'm sorry, Light. I'm really, truly sorry.”

This was definitely a different L, Light thought as he lightly brushed the hair from his battered face, “I'm sorry too. I feel so awful. For a moment I thought we should break up again because I thought I was becoming abusive.”

L smirked, “Two things- no, you're not abusive and does that mean we _did_ get back together?”

It was Light's turn to laugh. He shrugged, “Well, if there's anything this wild ride has taught me it's that I would much rather be with your crazy ass than lose you.”

“I might be crazy, but I'm medicated, so it's ok,” L joked.

Light laughed again, “What's in this IV? You're in rare form, babe.”

“Babe. Say it again.”

“I love you, babe,” Light said as he brushed a gentle kiss to L's forehead.

“I love you too.”

***  
L healed within a few weeks for the most part and the two made joint appointments for a follow up on their test results and a couples therapy session. If anyone needed it, it was them. A traumatic upbringing combined with a mental illness made for an explosive union, they had found. There had to be a way to find health, balance, and healing.

With a new prescription and follow up appointments to retest in a month, the two held hands as they left the doctor's office, feeling encouraged. In theory, if they were compliant in taking their daily medication, they should eventually reach undetectable status, and be unable to pass the virus on to anyone else. It was encouraging news.

“Want to go for ice cream?” Light asked. The day was sunny and unseasonably warm.

“Of course I do,” L said, eyes lighting up at the prospect of a sugary treat.

The two enjoyed sitting on a bench just outside the ice cream shop, fingers entwined as they watched passers-by. For just this moment, they weren't the world's greatest detective and his former Kira suspect turned colleague. They weren't their disorders or problems. No, they were just regular people, two lovers enjoying a date on a nice day. Boyfriend’s who both hoped to be more some day, who both wanted forever.

Right now they weren't thinking about the impossible task of finding someone to blame as Kira. They weren't worried about the cost of failure, what it would mean. All they had was this moment, right now, and it was enough. Light planted a soft kiss to L's forehead, and L leaned his head onto Light's shoulder. “I want to go home and make love to you,” L whispered in his ear, warm breath sending a shiver down his spine.

Light shot up off the bench and tossed his ice cream in the trash bin. L laughed at him as he slowly rose and took Light's hand. As they made their way down the sidewalk, L's phone rang. Answering it, he stopped Light by tugging his hand, “Yes, Watari? I see. Thank you.”

“What is it?”

L's smile turned sly, “Kira started killing again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Both these guys are nuts! Maybe that makes them perfect for each other. And finally, a new Kira suspect! Everything is going to be alright, right?
> 
> Right?!


	13. Plotting and Planning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The new Kira is investigated.

It seemed there was a God on their side after all. There had to be a second notebook because theirs was locked safely away in evidence. L even double checked himself to make sure it wasn't missing. The killings were slightly different from the original Kira as well. While still criminals, this particular murderer didn't pay as close attention to whether they were reformed or falsely accused.

While everyone on the team, save for Light, had touched the notebook and could see the Shinigammi, Ryuk proved to be of very little help. He answered their questions, but never with information they could use. He didn't know who this new Kira was. With a shrug and a horrifying laugh, all he seemed interested in were whether or not they had apples. Watari set off on a shopping trip to accommodate their ugly friend.

Aizawa was still suspicious, however. He didn't buy L's story that he found the notebook the night he disappeared. Why hide it from the team? They could've used the notebook to further the investigation months ago. He didn't believe Light’s aversion to touching it either. As the original and only real Kira suspect, Aizawa theorized that whatever powers Kira had would return to Light if he touched it and that he'd probably kill them all. It was obvious to him, so why wasn't it obvious to the rest of them? What were they hiding?

He caught Matsuda staring at L and Light with this stupid, puppy dog look on his face. _That moron knows somethin_g, Aizawa thought. He walked over to Matsuda, “Hey man, walk with me to the kitchen? I want to get a coffee and run something by you. I was thinking we should celebrate this new lead. It's a big deal.”

Matsuda loved a good party. He shot up from his seat, “Yeah! Ok!”

As they entered the kitchen, Aizawa grabbed a mug and poured his coffee, deciding to take a leap of faith as he stirred in the creamer, “I know you know about Light and L. Personally, I can't believe it.”

Matsuda’s face lit up, “I'm so glad I'm not the only one who knows! They make a cute couple though, right?”

_Couple? Jesus Christ they're fucking!_ Aizawa hid his shock behind a sip of his coffee. Of course he'd suspected they were together but to have it confirmed was next level. “Oh, yeah. The uh, cutest.”

“Apparently they've been on and off again for months. I hope it works out for them.” Matsuda continued gossiping about the two love birds but Aizawa was only half listening.

“So, maybe we should take the team out for drinks tonight? To celebrate?” Aizawa said, changing the subject once stupid Matsuda was finished rambling.

“Great idea! I know just the place!” Matsuda rambled on about this great bar he frequented and Aizawa tried to feign interest but really he just wanted to punch the man. How could he be privy to this information about Light and L and not see how L was protecting Light at every turn? He bet Souichiro was in on it too. After all, what father wouldn't want to protect his son?

Thankfully Aizawa didn't know about Watari's blackmail attempt, or he may have attempted to exploit the old man's help. As of right now, he assumed Watari was on L's side, being his life long handler and father figure. The only other trust worthy person left was Mogi. Could they bring down the real Kira together? Would Mogi be willing to do that?  
Now that he knew the truth, he couldn't stop seeing how doe-eyed L and Light were every time they looked at each other. It made his stomach turn. L covered up one of the worst murderers of all time for some ass? Sick. Aizawa was pulled from his thoughts when Matsuda entered the room and announced loudly that everyone was to go out for drinks that night.

“I won't be joining you,” L said flatly, “And I think it's a little premature to celebrate.”

“I'm not old enough to drink so I'll pass, but everyone else have fun,” Light said. There was no way he was passing up a night of hot sex with L to go sit at a bar bored out of his mind. One look at L confirmed the same thought.

“Suit yourselves!” Matsuda said, his good mood indestructible. Mogi, Aizawa, and Souichiro were all going and that was more than enough.

“Might as well call it a day and go now,” L said, “There’s not much more to be done today and it's nearly time to call it anyway.”

It wasn't. It was only 3:30pm but nobody was going to argue with L. Light struggled to internalize a giggle, knowing exactly why L was dismissing everybody so early. “In fact,” L said as he pulled his wallet from his back pocket and removed a credit card. Handing it to Souichiro, he continued, “Drinks after on me tonight. Watari, I'm sure you'll drive them and make sure they all get home safe?”

“Yes, sir,” Watari said with a nod. “Light, will you make sure L remembers his evening medication?”

“Of course!” Light was glad for the trust with something so important. He and L exchanged glances. It was bound to be an uninterrupted night of passion. They wouldn't be getting a wink of sleep, that was certain.

* * *

After the team packed up and Watari handed the medication over to Light, it seemed like they couldn't move fast enough. He hugged his father goodbye and it seemed like everyone moved in slow motion toward the door. The elevator even seemed to take its precious time. Light was already achingly hard by the time they got on the elevator and wasted no time pinning L to the wall and pressing his mouth harshly against L's. A trail of spit linked them when Light pulled away. It broke and Light licked it from his lovers chin. L yelped a bit when Light bit his bottom lip hard, the warm tang of blood on the tip of his tongue. “I will not be nice to you tonight,” Light growled, a shiver running through L at the promise in that bite.


	14. My Little Slut

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smut chapter! 😂

“Strip,” Light demanded as they stood alone in their bedroom in the dim light of the bedside lamp.  
Standing in the middle of the room, L did as he was told and stood there, naked before Light. He swallowed hard and palmed his erection, craving stimulation.

“Do not touch yourself unless I say you can,” Light snapped. He was looking around the room for something to use as a whip. There was a phone charging cable. Would that hurt too much? Light grabbed it off the wall and folded it in half, wrapping the metal ends in his fist. He gave L a light tap to the ass, leaving a slightly red mark, L yelping as he jumped at the swat.

L smiled. He liked it. “If I touch myself, will you hit me again?”

Light paused in front of him, “Yes.”

“So I shouldn't do this?” L asked as he stroked his shaft.

Light reached around and smacked his ass even harder. L yelped and jumped again, letting go of his cock. “Get on the bed, you bad boy. On your hands and knees.”

L did as he was told and Light struck him again. L clenched the bedding and closed his eyes, bracing for impact. He loved the sting, the sound, the anticipation of being struck. When there were no more strikes, L glanced over his shoulder to see Light toss the cord down and get on his knees on the bed. L opened his mouth and moaned loudly as Light licked and kissed his backside. Light had accidentally drawn a little blood with one of his marks. He kissed and licked the superficial scratch, his apology for being too rough.

“Oh, God yes! Yes Light!” L cried out as Light darted his tongue in and out of his puckered hole.

“Do not come,” Light demanded as he lifted his head and began pressing his fingers into the wet orifice.

“I'll try,” L managed through his pants.It was going to be very difficult, however.

“Where's the lube?” Light asked.

“I think it's here somewhere,” L mumbled as he reached under the pillows and bedding in search of the lost tube. It didn't take him long to find it.

Light spread the liquid on his fingers and plunged them back inside his lover, angling for his prostate as he fingered him relentlessly. L cried out again that he didn't think he could hold back, and Light smacked his ass with his free hand. It was enough to send L flying dizzily over the edge. “I'm sorry!” was all he could choke out as he came all over the bed.

Light pulled his fingers out of L and crawled over him, wrapping long fingers around his neck and squeezing, “Lick it up.”

L hesitated, shaking with excitement. To be utterly debased like this by Light was enthralling. Guided by Light’s hand, he sank down into the bedding and licked up his own come, ass still in the air.

Letting go of L's neck, Light smacked his sore ass, “Good boy.” Unzipping his pants, he whipped out his achingly hard cock and slicked it up. Usually Light went slow and allowed L to adjust. Not tonight. He slammed into L's back side and pounded into his ass ferociously. L screamed, but begged him not to stop. There would probably be blood, but he didn't care. He wanted this so damn bad.

They rocked the bed hard, slamming it into the wall with abandon. The whole building was theirs tonight. They didn't have to worry about being overhead by Watari or anyone else. As Light felt himself climax, he lurched as far forward as possible, gunning for L's neck. He bit down as hard as he could, relishing in his lovers screams as his come gushed out of him and into L. He hadn't realized he'd broken the skin until he released L's shoulder and tasted the metallic tang of blood. “Are you ok?” he asked, slightly worried.

“I'm great,” came the muffled reply from L face down in the pillows.

Light laughed and gathered him in his arms. “Let's rest and go again. I'll be gentle this time.”

L turned his face to Light, “I loved everything you did, but yeah, maybe take it easier next time. I think you might've broke me.”

Light laughed as he squeezed L, kissing his face all over. “I love you.”

“Love you too. Crazy bastard,” L slurred as sleep took over.

Light chuckled a bit to himself at the ironic statement, and kissed L's forehead one more time. He wasn't done with him yet, and planned to give them both a thirty minute recovery time before going at it again. He had news for L; it was going to be a very long night.

***

Across town at the local bar, a slightly buzzed Aizawa leaned in to talk to Mogi. Matsuda was busy trying to get a second round at the insanely crowded bar while Souichiro excused himself to the restroom. This was his chance. With a sip of his amber lager for courage, he said, "Hey, I think Light is Kira and I can prove it."

Mogi turned to Aizawa with a silent, confused expression on his face. His hands held his beer but he made no move to drink from the frosted glass.

Taking his silence as permission to go on, Aizawa continued, "I think if the kid touches that Notebook he'll get his powers back. We can tail him then and see what he does."

Mogi sighed and rubbed his eyes. After a moment, he spoke, "Aizawa, why can't you just let things be? Why destroy what is probably the only healthy relationship L has ever had? And how does forcing Light to become Kira again justify your cause? He's not Kira currently, never will be again as far as we can tell. The case is almost over. Drop it."

"It's the principle of the matter!" Aizawa nearly shouted indignantly.

"No," Mogi said sternly, fire flashing across those dark eyes. "You have some kind of vendetta against them and I suggest you drop it. You aren't helping anybody. You're being selfish."

Aizawa dropped his eyes to his glass and traced the rim with his fingers. "I guess you're right." Aizawa knew Mogi was exactly right. He had it out for L. Something about the guy just rubbed him the wrong way and it wasn't right to try and hurt him just because he was feeling irritated.

Matsuda showed up with a round of shots and Souichiro reclaimed his seat. Aizawa smiled at Mogi and passed him a shot in apology for his behavior. His friend was right and it was time he stopped being such a shithead.

***

By morning both men were incredibly sore and raw and even Light had trouble with his butt after letting L top at one point during the night. He had no regrets, however. Sex was amazing no matter the position. The room was a wreck from the two trying out multiple positions in multiple places. Some of it worked out, some of it not so much.

They showered together, nearly draining the entire building of hot water as they made out and sucked each other off in the steamy shower. Light thought L looked so damn hot soaking wet. He couldn't keep his hands off of him. Light wanted that body to be his forever.

L wanted much the same, though he feared to voice it. He'd found someone who saw him at his absolute worst and still loved and forgave him. He'd be a fool to let that go. It did scare him to think Light might one day get sick of his shit. But he didn't dwell on it. He couldn't.

“We should probably get to work, huh?” Light suggested once they’d dressed.

“Yeah, we should. I'm glad we found another Kira but I hate that we can't fuck all day,” L said, “it's hard not being able to touch you at work.”

“I know what you mean. There are so many times I catch myself wanting to reach for your hand or call you babe.” Light smiled as he explained.

As they got on the elevator, L felt really good for not having slept a wink the night before. Adrenaline, perhaps? He tried to shrug it off but his mind was racing. “I was thinking of dying my hair blue. What do you think?”

_That's bizarre and out of nowhere._ Light looked at him funny, “Um, I personally like your hair as is but I wouldn't stop you.”

“I'll tell Watari to buy the stuff. It's not hard, right?”

“No, but I'm a fan of getting stuff like that done professionally. I think it's easy to screw up too.”

“I feel really good today. Do you feel really good today? We should go out for breakfast. Do we have time for that?” L began talking faster now, and was rubbing his hands together.

That's when it dawned on Light that L never took his medicine the night before. _Fuck_. “L, baby, I think you're manic. We forgot your medicine last night.”

L's face dropped. “Fuck. You're right.” He shrugged, “Meh, I've done some of my best work manic so it should be fine.”

“If it's all the same, I'm not letting you out of my sight,” Light said.

The elevator dinged and the doors opened. L gave Light a sheepish look. He couldn't blame him. The last time he was manic, things did not go well.

Watari greeted them at the elevator, “I was just about to bring you your morning dose.”

“Thank you Watari,” L said as he accepted the medication and shot it back with a gulp of water. “if I missed last night's dose should I double up today?”

“No. And I'm very upset you missed last night's dose,” Watari said sternly. He turned to Light, “It’s extremely important that he gets his medication. How are you supposed to be in a relationship with him if you cannot help with one simple task?”

Light bowed his head, “My apologies, Watari.” The old man's words stung. Light couldn't stop thinking about them. What if he's right? Light wondered if he simply wasn’t mature enough to have a serious relationship. L came with a lot of responsibility. Was he ready for all that?

Anxiety riddled Light the rest of the day. He found he was second guessing himself a lot, distracted and unsure. L was off the rails going ninety miles a minute, and it didn't help the way Light felt at all. A crash was inevitable, he knew. Light just wondered how bad it would be.


	15. The Past Bites Hard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> L's past mistakes come back to haunt him.

The team lucked out when videos were confiscated from a local broadcasting station with finger prints and hair on them. They watched the videos, which were just a series of threats and demands from the new Kira. With the evidence at the lab for analysis, there was little left to do until the results came in.  
Light was on his toes as they packed up for the evening and got in the elevator. L still seemed to be in a good mood. After all, they'd made excellent progress. He hoped L would be able to take his evening dose and call it a night, waking up refreshed and balanced in the morning.

That wouldn't happen, however. The moment Light shut their bedroom door, L melted down into a withering pile on the bed. Laying on his side, clutching his knees, he sobbed inconsolably as Light stood there staring, perplexed and honestly, fucking _exhausted_.

“L, what's wrong?” Light asked, more annoyed than concerned as he crawled across the bed toward L.

“I-I'm no good,” he huffed and sniffled out, “You-you're gonna leave me. I know it. I know you are.”

L couldn't see Light roll his eyes as he scooted behind him and enveloped the other man in a loving embrace. “Oh yeah? And you know that how? Because I told you?”

“N-no,” L managed.

“Then how do you know?”

“Last time I was manic you left.” L was starting to calm down now.

“Last time you were manic you cheated on me with multiple people, did a bunch of blow, and disappeared for two days. So, unless you found a dick to suck on your five minute bathroom break today, I think we're fine.” Light stated.

L was quiet for a while. It did hurt to be reminded of his previous trespasses, but ultimately what Light said made sense. Despite being manic, L didn't actually do anything wrong. He turned over in Light's arms to face him, eyes red and puffy. “I love you so much, and I'm so afraid of losing you.”

Light’s heart broke a bit. “I love you too. I don't want to lose you either,” Light whispered, planting a kiss to L's cheek. “We are doing everything we can to stay together, L. We're doing therapy, communicating, working together. I fucked up your meds last night. That's on me baby.”

“I should be able to remember. I'm an adult.”

“You know what though? Watari and I like that we can help you with this, even though I fucked it up. I'm sure you'll get to a place where taking it is second nature. Don't worry about it right now.” With that, Light squeezed him tighter and kissed him firmly.

“I don't deserve your perfection,” L mumbled into Light's chest.

“Nope,” Light said with a laugh and L gave him a look. “I'm pretty tired, baby. Think you can sleep tonight?”

“Oh yeah, I took a sleeping pill to make sure. It should kick in any second.”

“Sweet,” Light wouldn't admit it out loud, but he had been concerned about L going on another manic bender while he was asleep. Having the guarantee of a sleeping pill aided in his anxiety subsiding. He'd still stay up until he was sure L was asleep, however.

***

Morning rolled around without incident, L waking up and feeling a little more balanced than the night before. He pulled himself onto Light's chest, listening to his heart beat as he waited for Light to wake up. Light’s fingers began twirling in L's hair absently even though his eyes were still closed. L pulled himself up Light’s body a bit further until he was able to reach his lips.

Light rolled L over, running his hands over L's body as they kissed. L moaned when he felt Light's hardness grind into him. Impromptu morning sex was the absolute best. The covers slipped from Light’s body onto the floor, but neither cared. They'd keep each other warm.

At least, they didn't care until Watari came barging in without knocking. It was very out of character for him to do so, and the three men simply stared at each other in horror before Watari quickly closed the door again. “I'm so sorry, you two, but L the police are here for you.”

“The police?” L asked, he and Light staring at each other. They both wondered why.

Light and L both jumped out of bed and threw on clothes quickly. Opening the door again, L accepted his morning meds from Watari along with some coffee. “What do they want?”

“They wouldn't tell me.”

The trio made their way out to the front entrance of the building where the police were waiting for them. Two officers were standing about, seemingly having a casual conversation as they waited. Once outside, they turned their attention to L. “Are you Ru Ryuzaki?” one asked.

“Yes, why?”

The other officer pulled out handcuffs as he approached L. The one who had addressed him began recurring his rights, “You’re under arrest for the murder of Tyler Bennington.”

“What?!” L was shocked, but didn't resist arrest. “This is some kind of a mistake. Watari, call my lawyer. We’ll get this cleared up immediately.”

“It can't be true! There's no way!” Light was horrified, but the arresting officer put this hand out and told Light to stay back. Watari placed a reassuring hand on Light's shoulder as they watched L get forced into the back of a police car.

“It'll be alright, Light. We know he didn't do it. We’ll get him out.” Watari assured as the police car pulled away.

All of Light's nightmares seemed to be coming true. Just when things were finally getting better between them, they're torn apart again. He didn't know what to do. Light felt helpless, and everything felt surreal.  
Watari escorted him back inside, “I think it's best if you and the team focus on solving the Kira case. I'll take care of L.”

“Ok,” Light said, unsure how the hell he was going to accomplish that. It was going to be impossible to focus.


	16. I Didn't Do It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> L is accused of murder

“Ryuzaki,” the large, older detective addressed him as he sat in front of the frazzled, sleep deprived younger man. “We found your DNA on and inside the victim’s body.”

_So we did have sex. Fuck me, I don't remember a God damn thing!_ “I had a one night stand with him. That's hardly a crime.”

“We aren't worried about the sex, although, it’s hard to say whether or not it was actually consensual.”

_This guy is a real bastard._ “Of course it was.”

“Mhm. Well, since the other party isn't here to corroborate, I'll just have to take your word for it.”

L was pissed, but wouldn't let it show. He knew this guy was purposefully pushing his buttons. _When I get out of here, I'm getting this guy’s badge. He'll never work as a detective again._

“Anyway, aside from that, we have security footage of you going into a public restroom covered in blood and then leaving in slightly better condition.” He slid a picture in front of L.

L looked at the picture but didn't react. “It was my blood.”

“How do you know?”

“Because my nose was busted all to shit. Someone jumped me.”

“Who?”

L looked away from the detective, “I don't remember,” he admitted.

“Convenient,” the detective sighed, leaning back in his chair. “Well, Ryuzaki, so far all our evidence points to you. If that changes, I'll let you know. Right now this nice officer here is gonna walk you back to your cell.”

“How kind.”

***

Light couldn't concentrate to save his life. His hands shook so bad he couldn't drink his coffee. His head was killing him. Light didn't want to believe that L could kill someone, but when he was manic and high, there's no telling what he was capable of. Could the man he loved really be a murderer? _I'm a murderer and he still loves me._ Light shuddered to think of it.

“Hey, lab results are in. Tapes belong to one Misa Amane,” Aizawa said. “she's already in the system for a prior drug charge.”

“Do you mean the Misa Amane? The famous model and pop star?” Matsuda asked, shocked.

“The one and only,” Aizawa said. “Wanna go with me to pick her up?”

“Sure! Always wanted to meet her.”

“We're not getting her autograph, Matsuda. We're arresting her.”

Matsuda deflated a bit. “Yeah, I know.”

The two grabbed their guns and cuffs and left HQ in pursuit of one law breaking pop star. Apparently she was shooting a movie just down the street from them, so they lucked out. Unfortunately, the camera’s were still rolling when they made the very dramatic arrest, and pretty soon a video of Misa screaming and crying as she's forced into the back of a police car surfaced on the internet, going viral within minutes. It wasn't exactly the attention they wanted, but it couldn't be stopped now.

Cuffed to a table in a plain room with a large two way mirror, Misa’s mascara streamed down her face. She'd finally stopped sobbing and just wanted to know why she was there.

“We got your tapes claiming to be Kira,” Souichiro said, sitting across from her.

“That was a prank. It's not a crime to prank people is it?”

“No, but you threatened the loves of L, the investigators on the Kira case, and the people at Sakura TV if they didn't follow your demands. That is against the law.”

“Oh.” She looked down. Hopefully her lawyer would be there soon to get her out of this mess.

“Our team is at your apartment now, searching it. I'm sure we'll find something incriminating. Why don't you tell us where to find it and we will promise you a lighter sentence for your cooperation?” Souichiro was lying, of course. If Misa were proven to be Kira she’d be executed.

“What do you think you'll find? There's nothing to find because I'm not Kira,” she claimed adamantly.

Unfortunately for her, she was Kira, and she was stupid enough to keep her notebook in her apartment where it was easily uncovered. Hey have writing wasn’t even disguised. They'd have it professionally analyzed anyway, but the case was pretty much open and shut.

“L will be happy when he learns about this,” Light said to his dad. He was still stressed, still unable to smile or feel glad for the progress. “Are we allowed to see him?”

“Not yet, but it's my understanding he's met with his attorney and he's going to have all the case evidence handed over to us.” Souichiro said. “we’ll have the chance to prove he didn't do it.”

Light felt a little better hearing that news, but he did wonder if he'd find the case against L incriminating instead. What if it were true? What if he killed that man? Light couldn't take it. Things were just starting to get good between them, then this happens. It was never ending.

***

L felt cold and isolated in his jail cell, not to mention a bit manic. He hadn't had his medicine in 24 hours at this point, and he knew he was liable to have a psychotic break from reality if they didn't give it to him. Not just that, but there was a seizure warning against quitting cold turkey. As it was, he had a massive migraine.

There would be no sleep for him that night as he found himself entering full mania. He rocked in the corner of his cot, talking to himself, imagining and sometimes believing Light was there with him. “I love you Light. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I did this. I'm so sorry.” He rocked and repeated himself until the first morning light peaked in through his window.

It was time for breakfast, but L wouldn't eat. The officers noticed he was acting bizarre and called the doctor. When the doctor tried to examine him, L attacked him, and the officers had to taser him. Things were not looking good for the young detective one bit.


	17. Jail Bird

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light tries to get L out of jail.
> 
> This chapter has been pretty much rewritten.

It was difficult  for Light to hear about L's psychotic break. Apparently his withdrawal from medication was going poorly. He was now in isolation, but the doctor he attacked was understanding and didn't press charges. He called  Watari and let him know he’d personally make sure L started getting his meds. Everybody sighed with relief. L just needed to hang in there a little while longer.

The team couldn't dwell on L, however. They'd gotten a hold of the case being built against L and all of the evidence. “It's circumstantial at best,” Light said as he mulled over the pictures and report. “The blood L had on him could've easily been his. It probably was. And it's not a crime to have sex with someone . ” Light didn't feel anything in regards to learning that information. It was what it was.

“Toxicology report shows incredibly high amounts of cocaine in his system along with a few other things and traces of heroine. He overdosed, for sure.”  Aizawa remarked.

“But the police report says he was bludgeoned to death,” Matsuda said.

“That’s in direct contradiction to the coroner’s report. The beating was post mortem,” Light said.

“So basically they fucked up,”  Aizawa huffed, rolling his eyes.

“Yes, it appears that way. That's not all. There's another suspect listed here that they never interviewed or anything. Says witnesses saw the two fighting the night our guy died. Apparently things got really heated,” Light was staring at the report as he spoke. It was unbelievable how incompetent these cops were.

“Shall we go pick him up?”  Souichiro asked.

“Hell yeah,”  Aizawa said, walking toward the older man. “let's go.”

***

Not only did  Souichiro and  Aizawa find Mr. Tito  Maloy , but in his garage they found the wooden bat he used to bludgeon their  v ic. The case really couldn't have been more open and shut. They made the arrest and bagged the evidence.  Souichiro called Light with the good news, who decided to meet them at the  pricinct with the new and improved  evidence .

Once there, Light made a bee line for one of the detectives on the case. Smiling widely and with as much fake happiness as possible, Light stopped in front of the man. Handing over the files, Light said smugly, “I color coordinated the tabs so it didn't get confusing when you looked through it. You'll see that Maloy is your guy.”

The detective taking the files almost smiled, but didn't say anything. It was pretty embarrassing how bad a job they'd done on this case. Someone was definitely getting fired. It was all he could do to keep from turning red as he listened to Light demand they release L. Maloy was sitting cuffed to a bench waiting to be processed with what looked like the murder weapon already bagged and tagged. He gulped at the sight of a cross armed Souichiro and Aizawa. “Guess we should get started right away,” he gulped before walking off with the files.

It took a few hours to interview Maloy, get a confession, and process L out, but Light was more than happy to wait. He spent his time drinking terrible coffee and looking through the pictures of he and L on his phone. Now that the Kira case was closed, maybe they could go somewhere together. Get away from it all. Get drunk on a hot beach.

“Light?” L's voice was shaky and weak, and he thought he was hallucinating at first. The brightness and busyness of the precinct hurt his eyes and gave him a head ache. The bags under his eyes were worse than ever, his greasy,  disheveled hair the icing on the cake of his frazzled appearance.

“Oh, thank God,” Light stood and pulled him into a hug. He didn't care that L stank; he needed to hold him, to know this was real. “Let’s get out of here.”

L nodded. He looked and felt like shit. It was still difficult for him to be sure what was reality.  Was he really being released? Was Light really here? Hadn’t L fucked up one too many times by now? He wondered if Light was a figment of his imagination, but that didn't matter a whole lot as long as he could hold Light’s hand the whole way home. The only thing  L wanted to do when he got home was shower and sleep. Light couldn't blame him. He was just glad L was safe.

It was difficult for L to keep his emotions in  check . Once he was in the shower, he let the sound of the pouring water drown out his sobs. The whole experience would've been bearable if they'd have given him his medication. Now that he was back on them it was going to be another several days before he really started evening out again. It sucked having these emotional swings from extreme to extreme. It was fucking exhausting. L allowed the water to pour over him as he leaned his head against the cold shower wall.  He squeezed his eyes shut as though that would block out what a disaster he was. When he opened them again, Light was standing outside the shower door, stark naked. “May I come in?”

L smiled and nodded, wiping his face with his hands. Light opened the glass door and stepped under the hot spray, bringing L's wet body against his own. As L rested his head on Light's shoulder, Light took the soap and a wash cloth and gently ran it over L's  back and arms. He stopped at his ass and gave it a little pinch, to which L laughed under his breath a bit. Light then lifted L off him a bit, kissing him as he cleaned his chest.  Dropping to his knees, Light washed L's legs and feet. “Why are you doing this?” L asked, a warble of emotion in his voice.

“Because I love you,” Light said as he hung the wash cloth on the railing and poured shampoo into his hands. He gently tilted L's head back as he massaged his scalp. L closed his eyes and lost himself in the feeling of being cared for and loved to suc h a degree as this. He certainly wasn't worthy of it.

After the shower, Light dried and dressed L. L found his balance and coordination had suffered from the medication fiasco. It was the most weak and vulnerable L had ever been. He wasn't afraid, however. L felt safe as they crawled into bed and Light h el d him close under the  covers. There was something soothing about Light’s presence. He didn't even need to speak, though he did. “I love you. Let's get away from here, just the two of us.”

“I love you too. Where do you want to go?” L's eyes were half closed as he mumbled into Light's chest.

“Somewhere tropical.”

“I'll have  Watari take care of the details tomorrow,” L yawned. Light kissed his forehead and the two fell asleep easily. It had been quite a trying few days.


	18. Tropical Paradise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light and L go on vacation. This is a chapter rewrite/new chapter

It wasn't long before L was far more functional and the happy couple were packing their bags to go on that special tropical getaway. Light must've asked L five times if he remembered his medication. L simply laughed at him. Of course he remembered.

Neither of them could remember the last time they went on a trip. It had been far too long, that's for sure.  Watari dropped them at the air port and they boarded their plane without incident. Due to Light’s school schedule, they would only be gone for five days, but it would be a magical five days.

Their hotel room was sweet and the beach pristine. They were both a little jet lagged and so decided to stay in that night and order room service. L sat on the bed flipping through the TV channels  while Light washed his face. He felt gross from traveling and wanted to freshen up. L landed on one of those home makeover shows. With a sigh, he set the remote down. Maybe they could fall asleep to it. However, as he watched it, the family wanting renovations had two small children and seemed genuinely happy.

Light sat next to L and stared at the TV with him. “I want that,” L said quietly.

“Want what?”

“That,” L said again, pointing to the TV.

“A house?” Light looked at him quizzically.

“No, not a house,” L thought twice about what he was saying. “ Nevermind .”

“Talk to me baby,” Light said as he scooted closer to L and rubbed his back.

L sighed, “A family,” he finally said, “With you. One day.”

Light smiled, his heart fluttering at the thought of having that with L. He leaned over and kissed him. “We will. I want to finish school first. But we will. I want that with you too.”

“Do you think I'll screw it up?”

“Not any worse than any other parent does,” Light smiled, pulling L on top of him as he reclined onto the bed. “We will need to get married first.”

“Do you really want to marry me?” L asked.

“Every day,” Light said with a kiss to those sweet lips. “More and more.”

***

The trip was everything they both needed. After a good night's sleep and more room service food than they could eat, they both woke up the next morning hungry for each other. L had just stepped out of the shower and was brushing his teeth when Light walked in behind him. Exploratory hands wrapped around him, groping his chest and stomach as he kissed his neck. When Light's tongue made a lap at L's ear, the moan that followed encouraged the younger man.

They reached for each other's mouths, desperate to make love in a way that seemed to supersede even breathing. They didn't make it back to the bed. Light bent his lover over the vanity and took him right there. L's palms marked up the bathroom mirror, and Light felt a thrill at watching their reflections.

L cupped his balls so they weren't crushed on the counter, but the friction against his dick combined with Light’s consistent pounding of his prostate brought him to completion quickly. His free hand gave out and his face smashed against the mirror as Light plowed into him. Come spurted onto the counter, smearing against his stomach. He couldn't speak, couldn't scream. It was all he could do to breathe against the cold glass.

Light wasn’t there yet, but he was close. Ferociously he pounded into L, squeezing his hips as he forcefully jerked back and forth. Taking L like this was overwhelmingly hot, being able to see it all happening was hotter still.

As his climax mounted, he squeezed L harder. There would be bruises but neither cared. Light screamed as he burst inside L, filling him up with spurt after spurt of hot come. He collapsed on L's back, the both of them sweaty and breathing hard. Figuring L had to be uncomfortable, he stood up and slipped out. L pushed himself up off the counter and turned to Light, pressing a chaste kiss to his lips before grabbing tissues and wiping himself off.

Once they were both clean, they walked back to the bed where a round two would happen once they'd both recovered. Right now, however, it was all cuddles and love. Light admired L's beautiful face as he ran his fingers through dark hair. Pressing kisses all over that perfect skin, he felt his heart might burst with love.

“Promise you'll never leave me,” L whispered, dark eyes pleading as they searched Light’s.

“I promise. I want you always,” he said, pressing a kiss to L's lips. He felt his arousal returning and crawled on top of his lover. This time they'd make love slowly, passionately. There was no rush, no reason to hurry things along. They didn't want to miss a single moment, but instead savor the way each other felt.

L had a lot of experience when it came to sex. It was always transactional. It was something that was supposed to be fun but took more from him than it ever gave. He always wound up feeling dirty and depleted, empty inside. There was no beauty in casually letting a stranger grunt until he  nutted in you. Maybe that's why sex with Light overwhelmed him so. It could be that there was no comparison because for the first time in his life it was with someone who loved him. Cherished him. Wanted to be with him no matter what. Silent tears streamed down his face and Light smiled softly as he wiped them away. He knew why L was crying, knew it was because of him. There were walls that were tumbling down, false beliefs that were shattering before him. L was learning to love in a way and with a capacity he didn't even know he was designed for. He had promises to keep to Light. Promises to be faithful and good, to take his medicine and do the work he needed in order to be the best partner possible to Light. And he would. He would do whatever it took.


	19. Life with Bipolar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bit of an Epilogue placed 3 years into the future.
> 
> This is a chapter rewrite.

3 years later

“Baby, have you seen Lizzy's pacifier? I feel like we have a million of them and they've all gone missing,” Light called up the stairs as he rocked and bounced their fussy baby.

She was their first, and it didn't take them long to decide to have another. They'd considered adoption, and honestly might still do it, but they both wanted children who were genetically theirs as well. Lizzy was stunning. She had huge, bright silver eyes and nearly black hair. Her skin was pale and delicate. Light couldn't help but kiss her fat cheeks. He was  excited to see if their next child resembled him as much as Lizzy resembled L.

“I'll check the crib. She seems to like to drop them between the crib and the wall!” L called down. He walked into her nursery and sure enough, about five pacifiers were lying beneath it. Grabbing them up, he hustled down the stairs with them to help Light quiet their fussy baby.

“Thank you, sweetie,” Light said to his husband as he quickly kissed him. L rinsed off the pacifier and popped it into Lizzy's mouth. “Are you ready to go? I don't want to be late.”

“Yeah. I'm so excited,” L smiled. Today they found out the sex of their second baby. They both hoped it was a boy.

Light smiled at his overjoyed husband as he double checked the diaper bag. Right before Lizzy was born, L had what they now dubbed a “manic moment” . He'd stayed up  all night painting the nursery, then spent a small fortune online on baby items like clothing, toys, décor,  and furniture. Light wasn't angry with L; he knew he couldn't help it. A medication adjustment and a few cancelled orders later, things evened out just fine. Although, some of the baby clothes L bought _ were _ quite adorable, so Light agreed to keeping that.

They headed out the door and Light buckled Lizzy into her car seat while L packed the diaper bag into the back. It did make  L nervous sometimes, knowing Lizzy had a chance of being bipolar like him. However, he and Light would be there for her no matter what. There was life after bipolar, and he was living proof of that.  With Light’s mother having been bipolar, there was a chance their second child could have it as well. Hell, Light could wind up developing it. He  was still a few years away from 25 , which was the typical age the illness reared its ugly head. It was for this reason , a m ong others, that they  continued therapy together and Light got evaluated once a year. So far, he was in the clear, but only time would tell.

They held hands as Light drove them to the local hospital.  Occasionally Light glanced in the rear view mirror to see what their sweet baby was up to. She'd fallen asleep, of course. He sighed, knowing she'd have to be woken up and also knowing what a terror she could be when her naps were interrupted. As his eyes glanced from the road to her  and back, he felt that he and L's decision to retire in order to focus on growing their family and being mentally stable was the right decision. It was too much stress with too many triggers to keep working, and L had most certainly paid his dues. He'd exchanged late nights researching his suspects for late nights researching parenting.  Like everything L did in life, he wanted to be the best.

Pulling into a parking space at the large hospital, Light felt his belly flutter with nerves. He whispered a small prayer as he pulled Lizzy from her car seat and into the carrier. Thankfully she didn't wake. L grabbed the diaper bag and the two young men made their way across the parking lot.

The hospital was nice , with inviting décor. It looked like they were starting to set up for Christmas as the three passed by workers opening boxes and stringing up lights. It had been unseasonably warm out, but a cold front was on the way according to the local news.  That would mean snowball fights and hot cocoa by the fireplace. It would be Lizzy's first snow, and Light wondered if she'd like it.

The elevator dinged and the happy family got on with a girl in a wheel chair and an older man behind her. Everyone stood in silence as the crowded elevator dropped its passengers off at various floors. Soon enough, it was their turn. Sharing smiles as they stepped out, L opened the door to the OBGYN for Light and Lizzy. He checked them in and Light found a seat for them in the waiting room with Lizzy.

It didn't take too long for their surrogate to show up. She was young, intelligent, and beautiful. She'd already given them Lizzy, and they couldn't wait to see what was coming next.  _ Who _ was coming next.  They stood and hugged her, showing off how big Lizzy had already gotten. Lizzy was awake by now so Amanda, their surrogate, held her as they waited.

Having been through this all before made it easier for the family.  Nervous butterflies turned to nervous excitement as they were walked back to a room. They knew exactly what to expect from the visit and eagerly locked eyes on the computer screen as the doctor began doing the ultrasound .  L cried into Light's chest upon hearing the heartbeat. Light held Lizzy up and pointed to the screen. “You’re going to be a big sister.”  She smiled despite being too young to truly understand what was going on.

Their sweet young doctor pushed her glasses up her tan nose, “Do you want to know the sex?” She asked.

“Yes!”  They were all three unanimous.

“You’re having a boy. Congratulations,” she smiled.

“Yes!” L threw a victorious fist into the air. He had wanted a son _ so bad _ and now it was happening! He kissed Light and hugged Amanda once she was cleaned off and sitting up. Light simply laughed and shook his head at his husband. 

L couldn't wait to repaint the nursery for their son.  Of course, he wouldn't spend all night doing it and throw himself into a manic phase this time, but he'd invest quite a few hours into the project. He could tell he was even more stable for this pregnancy than the last. If he said things were perfect and he  never had another mood swing, he'd be lying. But things were manageable now, and his highs and lows weren't nearly as dramatic as they once were. It helped that he had the world’s most understanding and encouraging husband. There wasn't a thing he wouldn't do for Light.  If taking medicine everyday was what he needed to do, then he'd do it. He'd gotten quite responsible about it as well. Now that he no longer  lived with  Watari , L depended on technology and a good routine to help him remember. Phone alarms were fantastic, and even if that failed, Light was right there with a gentle, loving reminder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you loved this special story as much as I did. It certainly holds a very dear place in my heart.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know your thoughts on this chapter. If you dig it, I'll keep going 😁


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